Have you been in a situation before where you came out defensive? Did someone set your alarms off or did you bring up your shield even before the attack occur? Were you called overly emotional or perhaps close minded? Maybe you were protecting yourself from an unpleasant feeling. Maybe you were avoiding a responsibility. Or perhaps, you were protecting that fragile ego of yours?
All of us have been defensive at some point in our lives. Admit it! Whatever the heck the reason be, our defensive self can turn a neutral situation into a war. Do you realize when you are being defensive? Or do they commit the offense of telling you that? (Shoot them!). In this post, I share a glimpse of some defensive episodes. Maybe, you recognize some of them? I certainly don’t. [just being defensive] 😎
Episode 1 : It’s not my Fault.
Ever felt blamed for something that you didn’t want to own? Did you just dissociate yourself from the situation completely? Is that your natural skill or have you become an expert at dodging the blame at someone else?
Maybe, its time to let go the fault finding and admit your fault. Nah?Then, maybe you can get back at them by merely stating the fact – their criticism invoked your defense mechanism. 😆
Episode 2 : Why do I have to justify myself ?
Have you been to an awkward interview where you wish you had not come? Why? Was that sadist interviewer questioning your worth? Or was he psychoanalyzing your reaction?
Well, your need for validation could have made you sound defensive. You might as well have boasted your credentials at the slightest sound of rejection, but that didn’t help you win his confidence.
Maybe, you now feel glad that you were not selected. Think hard! Are you now protecting yourself from feeling dismissed? 🙄
Episode 3: There is a deeper meaning to this
Did you ever start an argument from a subtle remark someone made? Why? Did it pinch you that deep? Did it bring up bad memories from the past? Is that why you decide to go full on defensive?
Overthinking can make you overly sensitive. You may simply overreact to protect yourself from your own insecurities.
So, next time, pack your argument for a different moment. That way, they can’t figure out, if you are being defensive! 👿
Episode 4 : Let me take back the control
Perhaps, you felt like you were loosing control. Was there a situation where you thought, your opinions didn’t matter? Did you feel undervalued ? How did you cope with your looming identity crisis?
Projecting your anger is often another way of self defense. It has twofold benefits – 1. It satisfies your impulse to feel powerful. 2. It scares the hell out of the person trying to undermine your existence.
No matter who comes out victorious from this power play, it sure has some financial downturn.
Episode 5: Offense is the best defense
“You don’t have to live your life the way they ask you to. You are your own master.” Did somebody just challenge that conviction? Did it awaken the warrior in you? 😳
Sometimes, offense is the best mechanism to protect yourself from a hurtful experience. While the consequences can be grave, who the f*ck cares about them when following instincts! 😎
The End
Being defensive is not unnatural. In fact we were all born with a “Survival Instinct” – our basic self defense mechanism. It ensures our physical well being but does not care much for our emotional front. So, as we grow up in this demented world, we enhance our defense structures to protect our ego, our confidence, our basic need to feel content with ourselves.
Being overly defensive, however, is a problem. It can affect you and your relationships badly. In a bid to protect your own self, you might completely isolate yourself. Perhaps, your dear ones think you can let go that shield of yours? What do you think? Would it hurt to be more vulnerable than being overly defensive?
© Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.