Everyone wants freedom. Preferably after everyone else approves it.
At work, approval begins innocently. “Good job.” Lovely. Then one day there is no “good job.” Nothing has actually happened, but internally, an investigation has begun. Was the work bad? Was the meeting bad? Was the email too direct? Should there have been a smiley? Corporate confidence can sometimes be surprisingly dependent on punctuation.
Then there is family. In many Indian families, adulthood does not necessarily end the approval process. It simply expands the range of topics under review: career, marriage, children, house, whether the child is wearing enough clothes. Sometimes the reviewer is a relative whose exact position on the family tree requires specialist software. Still, their feedback is available.
Then comes parenting. You are working, managing a toddler and trying to convince yourself that quality matters more than quantity. Then the toddler starts asking for the sitter more than you. Suddenly this is no longer childcare. This is market share. There is a competitor in the house, and she is winning. Nothing tests the theory that “a good parent doesn’t need constant validation” quite like being rejected by someone who still needs help putting on socks.
Then there is leadership. Managers are told not to seek popularity. Excellent advice. Until someone on the team looks slightly unhappy after a decision. Suddenly the brain would like to conduct an anonymous engagement survey. Immediately. Preferably with one question: “Do you still think I am a good boss?”
Then there is social media. You post something. Five likes. No new followers. Fine. It was never about the numbers anyway. Two hours later, you are commenting thoughtfully on strangers’ posts, liking things you only partially read and calling it “building a community.” Apparently approval-seeking sounds much healthier when you give it a marketing strategy.
The strange thing about approval is that every individual request seems reasonable. A little from the boss. A little from family. A little from the child. A little from the team. A little from the internet. Until life starts looking like a company with five supervisory boards, all asking for slightly different things.
Perhaps approval was never the problem. Perhaps giving everyone voting rights was.