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  • The Indian head wobble

    If you’ve ever witnessed an Indian wobbling his head,
    You’ve probably wondered “was that a yes or was that a no“? OR
    Perhaps you thought there’s something wrong with that neck
    while he viscously nodded to your speech?


    I’ve been wobbling my head since almost three decades now without realizing that
    it wasn’t a norm elsewhere. So, when in the Netherlands someone asked me, if that nod meant a yes or a no, I was stumped. (by his naivety).
    That he did not know what it meant came in as a sheer surprise.

    Of course, that didn’t stop me from wobbling my head
    I decided to publish these guidelines instead! 😎

    How to Interpret the Indian head wobble?

    1. Was that a YES?


    [farewell story]
    Someone : Would you like a beer?
    Me: (nods up and down)
    Someone: Brings beer. Not for me.
    (Didn’t register a Yes.) 😒

    A simple nod (up and down) means an obvious yes. It’s a pity, some don’t reckon this simple gesture yet. That made me reconsider a voice-over with this wobble.
    [Destroys the whole purpose of wobbling my head] 😠   

    2. Was that a NO?

    [say cheese!]
    I hate blue cheese.
    You’re lucky that I tried it even once. (I grew up on processed cheese.)
    It smelled so foul that I had to gulp down the whole piece. 🤢
    That was tough. But then you asked “if I want more ?”
    I nodded my head (in sheer disgust).
    I thought that was clear – an obvious NO
    But there you were, pouring some more!

    If it weren’t you, I wouldn’t have given up french cheese!

    You : Shall we order a cheese plate?
    Me : (nods left and right)

    3. What’s with that constant nod?

    I’ve got to speak even as you speak. (be it with my wobbling head)
    That’s mere telepathy to convey if I agree or disagree.
    ( of course, that assumes my opinion is important) 😎

    Boss: This year hasn’t been good for the company. We can’t offer promotions.
    Me : (Nodding head left and right)
    Boss : In fact we’re thinking of cutting down salaries. We’re looking for volunteers.
    Me : (still nodding)

    Boss: You! Thank you for volunteering
    Me : WTF!
    [I just disagreed]


    The next time I sit in those board room meetings, I’ll bring some sign boards along with me.

    4. Did you just greet?

    They’ve got a population of more than a billion in India.
    You’ve got no time to greet everybody, That’s why they invented a wobble to greet.

    [at Coffee machine]
    Indian colleague : [smiles and nods]
    Me: [smiles and nods}
    Another Indian comes : [nods at both of us]
    Me : [nods]
    End of conversation!

    Are there more expressions?

    Head wobbling is a language on its own. They’re a dozen other expressions to convey your message. I suggest you scroll through YouTube once.

    Although the ones I describe here, cover eighty percent of the wobbling business.

    Why do they wobble?

    Good question. I’ve got a theory for this. (since there is no exact answer)

    A lot of communication in India is non verbal.
    Facial expressions, hand gestures, tone of your voice and the head wobble.
    They’re all used to emphasize your view, to be influential (amidst crowd and chaos).

    The head wobble comes in very handy when talking to strangers,
    who don’t speak your language or while talking to acquaintances,
    who would not listen. Wobbling as you speak means double emphasis.
    You certainly get the attention.

    Afternote: Seventy percent of human communication is actually non verbal.
    So, I wonder if there’s something wrong with the head wobble!
    Perhaps, if it you don’t wobble, you might as well be doing something else! 🙄


    #Indianheadwobbleexplained

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • The Habit of People Pleasing

    There is a fine line between being nice and being a people pleaser.
    Do you realize when you’ve leaped your boundaries to make someone happy?
    Do you know, when to say “NO”?
    Can you stand for your beliefs and values? Do you actually have some? OR
    Do you adjust them often to suit the situation?


    Whether or not you are a people pleaser, you might find some of the below traits familiar. (for there is no such thing as an “overly nice person“) 😎

    1. Never say NO!

    Have you been in a situation before where you were left hanging on crossroads?
    Did they not share their thoughts straight and clear?
    For some people, saying “NO” can be impossible. People pleasers aren’t really decisive which is why they procrastinate their true feelings and roll with the situation. They’d rather be in denial than confront their fears and bear the repercussions.

    Perhaps it’s time to let go and make a call yourself? 🙄

    2. Lie to play good

    For someone indulged in people pleasing, lying can come as a natural skill. They would rather lie than offend. So they shower compliments every time you seek their opinion.
    They aren’t of course blindfolded to see those obvious flaws. They just feel morally obliged to make everyone happy.
    It is what they do to feed their sense of self worth. (by taking responsibility to make you happy)

    3. Never Confront

    Confrontation is not an option for them.
    They are worse at handling conflicts. Which is why they are agreeable and overly adjusting. If you notice a person who would crib but not confront, who would slog but not manage expectations, you’re likely witnessing a people pleaser.

    Should you be worried to work alongside?
    I’d say Definitely. They are setting unsustainable benchmarks. 😳


    Why they do what they do – Deep rooted need of validation

    Acceptance and approval for a people pleaser does not come independently. They seek this validation externally. (that’s what we do as a child)

    Typically, when we submit ourselves to parental desires, we seek their validation unknowingly. Love follows compliance, which makes us agreeable instinctively.

    If you couldn’t deviate from those parental preferences for the fear of abandonment or disappointment, you are most likely to associate those fears in all other relationships.

    It is this deep rooted need for acceptance that makes someone morally obliged to keep others happy and avoid conflicts.

    Why they do what they do – Culture promotes it

    Culture has a profound impact on how you perceive yourself in a society. Its values are reflected in your day to day experiences. If everyone around you believes in those shared values, you are highly unlikely to challenge them.

    Would you rather stand alone and hold onto your beliefs OR would you slowly adapt to be able to belong?

    In that bid to belong somewhere, one might as well forget their own likings and values.
    That might be why they resort to people pleasing.

    In the End

    People pleasing is toxic. It is extremely draining (both mentally & physically ) as it takes time and energy to make someone consistently happy. This of course comes at the expense of your own needs. What makes it worse is when you aren’t aware of them actually.

    If you were to know what you stand for, would you then still be happy?
    Would you dare to prioritize yourself (& your needs) above others?
    Would you then accept yourself when they think of you as ” not so nice”?



    #endofstory

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • My Top Five Reads since 2019

    I realize, I’ve been reading but haven’t been writing about the books I’ve read so far. That does no good, considering the short term memory I have. 🙄 So last weekend, I spent some time reminiscing my kindle collection.

    I’ve read twenty eight books since last year and I might as well write about them all at some point but this post is dedicated to my top five reads since 2019.
    They had a deep impact on me. (& my perspective). I highly recommend these, if you haven’t read them already.

    1. One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

    Category – Fiction

    Mental Institution has always been a stranded Island and one can’t imagine what goes on with the lives of patients in there. This book offers a whole new window to that world. It is actually setup in a psychiatric hospital, narrated by a patient in there.

    It details very well, the mundane routine of patients, how they become used to the bureaucratic hospital regime and why they accept their fate in this mental asylum.
    Will they ever get better? Will they be a part of normal society again? You will doubt the answers to above throughout this read.
    The plot of this book takes an interesting turn when a new admit enters this psychiatric center and challenges the rules and authority.

    This book is marked in fiction category but the characters drawn out in this book seem so real that I found it largely alluding to real life situations.

    Overall rating – 4.5/5
    (not 5 b’coz I found a small part of this book, a bit flimsy)
    Note: There is a also a movie on this book from 1975.

    2. Midnight in Chernobyl

    Category – Non Fiction

    Just about the time, I was reading this book, they launched an HBO series showcasing this nuclear disaster at Chernobyl. It was a five episode series and although they captured the central plot impressively, they didn’t do enough justice to “the making of Chernobyl”.

    Years before the actual nuclear explosion happened (26 April, 1986), the inadequacies of this nuclear plant made it vulnerable to fail. It managed to bypass all security standards. The Soviet government was aware of this and at the same time very competitive.
    The aftermath of this crisis was equally disastrous. (largely due to the fact the Soviet govt hid the disaster from its own people and the world). This severely affected the reputation of Soviet Union.
    This book uncovers the whole story, detailing all events that went into the making of world’s worst nuclear disaster. (till this date)
    Not to forget the character build up in this book, which is so strong that I found myself boiling in anger in many scenes.

    Today, Chernobyl is open to tourists. They built a giant dome covering this radiation site. The Ukrainian government is trying to capitalize on this abandoned site, citing that it is completely safe. I would like to go (visit), but I doubt if it really is safe. Could it be a propaganda to promote revenue?

    Overall rating – 5/5

    3. Educated

    Category : Non Fiction

    I’ve read this book somewhere in Dec 2019 but I can still reckon clearly, the struggles of Tara Westover (the author of this book). I found this book remarkable coz the experiences that Tara shares in this book are very personal and extraordinary.

    Tara was not registered at her birth. She didn’t exist in any government records up until she was nine.
    Her family (including her parents and six siblings) was mormonic and extremely rigid. They boycotted all public amenities (including doctors, hospitals and even schools). Tara was loosely home schooled.

    In spite of this large disconnect, Tara held on to the conviction of existence of a world outside this bubble. She understood the value of education. She tried by all her means to be educated. This book is a beautiful story of Tara’s journey from her life in isolation to life in real society.

    She ended up pursuing an MBA in the University of Cambridge. She now lives a life away from her family.

    Overall rating – 5/5

    4. Maybe you should talk to someone

    Category – Non Fiction

    To be honest, I picked this book to understand a therapist’s perspective on his or her patients. I’ve always been intrigued about what really happens in a therapy session. I have not been to any. (not that I want to ). But this book, just gives enough insights.
    It is actually a therapist’s account of her patients (disguised) as she details her sessions with those patients. She is candid in expressing her view about the situation and how she relates those to her own life.

    What is interesting to see is that the author (therapist herself) consults another therapist to tackle the problems of her own life. The vulnerability with which she shares her own experience with this other therapist helps you visualize therapy in general, as a third person.


    I loved this book as it was a perfect bedtime read. I finished this very quick.
    By the way, for those who do not know – American TV show “In treatment” is another popular fictionalized account of therapy sessions.

    Overall rating – 4/5

    5. Sapiens

    Category – Non Fiction

    There never has been a simplistic view of Human history described before Sapiens. Now, I am not a fan of reading history (I find it hard to remember chronology), so I didn’t pick this one for six months.(even though I had a hard copy). But I have to admit, I was glued to this after I read its first few pages.

    Sapiens is the kind of book that will help you understand why we are, the way we are. It feels like history demonstrated by someone who understands psychology. It explores the basics like why we (the homo sapiens) survived while all our ancestors became extinct? How agriculture changed our lives? How industrial and scientific revolution shaped our complex society? What challenges lay ahead of us? (and other interesting questions)

    I liked this book as it helped me understand the present and what lies ahead of us, while reading the history.

    .Overall rating : 4/5

    Appendix :

    Full list of books I read since 2019

    1. Predictably Irrational – Dan Ariely
    2. How to win friends and Influence people- Dale Carnegie
    3. I can’t make this up life lessons – Kevin Hart
    4. One flew over the cuckoo’s nest – Ken Kesey
    5. Educated – Tara Westover
    6. Resilience – Eric Greiten
    7. The Gene – Siddhartha Mukherjee
    8. Me talk pretty one day – David Sedaris
    9. Dreams from my father – Barack Obama
    10. Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand
    11. The four agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz
    12. Brexit – Ian Dunt
    13. Switch – Chip and Dan Heath
    14. Maybe you should talk to someone – Lori Gottlieb
    15. A river in darkness – Masaji Ishikawa
    16. Hyperbole and a half – Allie brosh
    17. Humans – Tom Phillips
    18. Man’s search for meaning – Viktor E Frankl
    19. Boundaries – Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend
    20. Becoming – Michelle Obama
    21. Sapiens – A brief history of humankind – Yuval Noah Harari
    22. Don’t sweat the small stuff – Richard Carlson
    23. Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom
    24. The Peter Principle – Laurence J. Peter & Raymond Hull
    25. Midnight in Chernobyl – Adam Higginbotham
    26. Thinking, person’s guide to Autism – Shannon des Roches Rosa (and others)
    27. Shantaram – Gregory David Roberts
    28. Adulthood is a myth – Sarah Andersen

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • What went on in that School Assembly

    I had a crazy dream last night. I was delayed to the school assembly. I was running to the entrance gate but they shut it on my face. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go but wait for an eternity, till it finally got over.


    That episode reminded me of this whole affair – “the morning assembly” & the hilarity of events that followed with it (side effects).

    Chapter 1 : The Assembly line – It was meant to measure your worth (height) everyday

    If I think of it now, I might have not discovered that I was short, had it not been the school assembly. That tradition of ordering the queue by your relative height made me envious of other fellas. I was glad, I was not the shortest. But, I was disappointed when someone ahead of me, grew an inch taller to take away “my original spot”. 😥
    That assembly line was a fierce competition, to stay behind, as farthest as possible from the dais and the teachers. (You didn’t want ’em to notice you, in case you were bored to death.)

    Chapter 2 : It challenged you to stay awake.


    Assembly was the first thing in the morning , a mix of prayers with some over practiced speeches (mostly by children). It lasted for one full hour and sucked away that day start energy. Needless to say, everyone was yawning, constantly. Which is why, they decided to turn it into a full fledged TV.
    Dance choreography was introduced along with the prayer songs. That meant we had to jump and sway to match the lyrics. (as we sang) 😳
    It was a damn pretty sight to see from a distance except that it disturbed our sleeping momentum 😡

    Chapter 3 : Some even fainted!

    In summers, the temperature soared easily from 35 to 40 degree Celsius.
    We were all used to the heat of course (being from an equatorial country) but that didn’t mean we championed an hour long survival.
    It was not unusual to witness someone fainting in the middle of the assembly. That didn’t halt the assembly. We watched, while they carried the casualty inside the building.
    We danced to the prayers while a few more weaklings fainted.
    That taught us a key lesson – Survival of the fittest 😛

    Chapter 4: An exception was your birthday

    Birthdays meant special attention in morning assembly.
    For starters, you were allowed to wear casuals on that special day. So you could dress like a celebrity & grab some eye balls.
    To top this up, you didn’t have to join the queue. You were promoted straight to the podium. So, while everybody sang the birthday song, you could just relax & watch ’em from a distance. 😎 Those crazy fellas even choreographed the birthday song.

    Chapter 5 : And then it was abruptly dismissed


    Believe it or not, that morning assembly was a deadly place! (especially for those who played the band). That one time, there was this guy playing drums alongside the pianist. We were all singing the prayer in chorus when we heard a sudden “thud”. A glass pane fell from the top floor and landed straight onto his head. The glass shattered into pieces and this guy dropped unconscious, drenched in his blood.
    The drumming stopped and so did the morning assembly (suddenly dismissed)

    That shit happened twice. So they barred the patch of the ground below windows. (forever!).
    Turns out, some kids (while playing) scraped off the clay from windows. That (clay) was meant to hold the glass together. Of course they didn’t know it then and hell broke loose in the morning assembly.

    Insanely true!

    All the things that went on in that school assembly, makes me chuckle even today. No wonder why I can still recall it in my dreams!

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • A little (Over)weight

    I’d always been a chubby kid. I don’t reckon a skinny version of myself. (except for maybe a short span in my twenties, when I stayed in a dorm. Food was plenty but inedible). I don’t recollect ever being tensed about gaining a few pounds here or there. I was rather carefree, adjusting my wardrobe instead. 😛 That went perfectly fine as long as I stayed in India. ( they ain’t all perfectly carved out models there!). Moving to Netherlands however, changed my perspective. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fitness freaks! 😳

    Surprise.. Surprise!

    It all started with those evening walks outside my home. That’s when the first signs of frustration started brewing in. I walked like a sightseeing tourist, while men & women surpassed me, running ahead in shorts & sneakers.Then there were those on cycles, wearing suits and ties, commuting miles to and fro for work. To top this up, people played heavy duty sports after a long day at work, flaunting their “celebrity” like bodies, while I sat there, questioning my life time choices. 🙄

    I was an oddity. (The chubby one) and I didn’t even know how much of it was an “extra me”. So, I decided to tread on the path of self discovery. Mustering little courage I had, I jumped onto the weighting machine.

    Not all surprises are good. This was deeply disturbing. I had gained quite a few pounds here and there, surpassing my “acceptable” limit. 😥

    Time for new resolutions

    The problem solver in me was awake that night. I couldn’t dwell into getting depressed for long. So, I came up with a personal goal list and stuck it on the wall across my hall.
    It was concise and clear. (just like my conscience 😎 ).

    I saw it every morning before leaving the house. I saw it every evening before going to the bed. That constant reinforcement made me believe I was on top of solving this issue for once and for all. It was under “my” control.

    The First timers complex

    Soon, I decided to join a gym. I’ve been to a gym before but my definition of workout did not go beyond a few cardio exercises. So when the trainer asked me to try those gazillion other equipment, I was stumped. 😯 I had no clue of how any of it worked.


    I fiddled with the weights clumsily, while the trainer felt nervous about me breaking the instruments. 😆 He stayed calm (on the outside) and patiently demoed the basics to me. I felt embarrassed around all those professionals.

    It took me a week to tame my anxious self.

    Thank God it’s Sunday

    Soon, the weekend arrived. I wasn’t particularly pleased with my tough regime of diet and exercise. It sucked my energy. (& my soul). So, I planned a dinner with my spouse to a fancy restaurant, thinking it might as well help me relax.

    My spouse ordered beer and some more beer while I tried to fit in my new role as a “fitness freak”.
    My salad arrived with some sparkling water and I chewed like a cow, realizing this evening couldn’t have been duller indeed. 🙄

    Darkness is the evil

    We came back home with a full stomach but I had trouble falling asleep. 🙁 I couldn’t help but think about the delicious cuisines, I might have eaten instead. My craving grew as the hours passed and all my will power finally gave in.

    For the sake of sleep and the work next day, I decided to eat a “little” something.

    I strolled through the kitchen and took a good long look at all our collectibles. I handpicked a few of my favourites, just to start with.

    Definitely not in “my” control

    My guilt turned off as I switched on TV. And as I ate, I felt more hungry.
    Turns out, that night, I ate for the whole week.

    The Aftermath

    I woke up next morning feeling ashamed.
    I saw my goal list and felt so guilty.

    Clearly something had to change, either me or the goal list.

    And that’s when I did this little something. 😎

    #stillchubby

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • The Conundrum of Indian Marriages

    There never has been enough clarity on why marriages are a big buzz in India and the latest addition on Netflix portraying “arranged marriages” adds more to this confusion. I hated the show (although I was glued to it over last weekend, watching all its juicy episodes). So, writing this post now, feels more like redemption! 😎

    To start with, there are three kinds of marriages (in India)

    1 Love Marriage This is a no brainer. You choose a companion, whom you think you can bear for the rest of your life. You decide to marry. Family succumbs. They pay for your grand ceremony. Hola! you get married! OR (sometimes) Family disagrees. Then, you chuck family. Marry in court. Hola! you get married.

    Note : Family is an unavoidable institution in the event of marriage. (notably, parents)

    2. Love but arranged marriage : This is a slightly complex version as the family has a “say” in this whole affair. (they’ve tamed you enough, so you keep them in loop). You find a partner, whom you think you love. You decide to get married. But then comes the “real” decision. Your family opts to exercise their veto, denying your choice of companion.

    You beg so they succumb. and you get married. (don’t get me wrong, but this is a highway to expectations. You are better off without it 😎 ).

    OR

    You may as well accept the overruling (resolving to make their lives miserable 😈 ). You raise the bar of your expectations and make them the owner of your marriage conundrum. 😛 This basically moves the whole affair to the third category of marriages.

    Note : If no one interferes with your marriage decision, perhaps you should be skeptical. Either they trust you (on surface!) or they are dodging you away (& your future responsibility).

    3. Arranged marriage – If you’ve failed the above two options, then this becomes your default choice. Arranged marriages are the “Indian version of Tinder” The difference being, not only you but your whole family is scrolling through the profiles of your prospect companion.) Since, you’ve given up on finding love, the responsibility is now delegated. 😛 . Your parents jump into action, putting their best brains into ” Mission marriage.”

    Expectations from prospect partner get exponentially multiplied. The distant future is evaluated with an obsession of being practical. Education, Salary, Prospect of kids, Genes, Hereditary diseases, adaptability index and whatever the heck are your preferences, become critical. Years pass and you find no one.

    Slowly, you start crossing off items from your holy list of expectations. (until you become desperate enough to get rid of this whole affair). Just then, you find that perfect someone. You feel grateful to eternity and fall in love.(after marriage!)

    Questions?

    Now that you know about the kinds of marriages in India, you might as well have some follow up questions. (Shoot em! Errr….don’t watch those Television shows. They are made to entertain , not to educate! ). You might as well refer to below FAQ (I had ample time this weekend to put them together 😛 ). I hope they nip the curiosity in bud!. 😎

    FAQ

    Why is marriage so important in India?

    It is more than just an event in your life. It is a way of living. A permanent companionship in the form of marriage is deemed critical for a happy life.

    So, what if you don’t marry?

    You are basically unhappy. (or at least they think you are). They won’t stop chasing you until you’ve reached far beyond that “suitable age”.

    What is meant by suitable age?

    Life is a timetable. (almost) and everything therefore must happen at a given time. That’s the philosophy behind this term. Considering, you have a plan for kids after marriage(& then you’d need to be fertile), an appropriate age is decided.

    26 – 28 (suitable age), 29-30 (borderline worried), 30+ (desperate)

    Why do Indians have Grand weddings?

    Well, this is misconception. Not all Indian weddings are grand. (although, a massive chunk of savings are put into it). The guest list can vary anywhere from 100 to 1000 (or perhaps more.). It really depends on how much the parents are willing to spend and how much of social status (or association) comes from the marriage. Another reason for marriages being magnificent is coz those who marry rarely spend. Ask them to sponsor their own wedding and see how the whole event downsizes!

    Do they have good food in the wedding?

    Food is the next piece of attraction (after bride and groom). Although, not all weddings have great food. It really depends on the budget of the wedding, the catering company and their performance on the day of wedding! (which can largely vary depending on the guest count). So, if you’re travelling solely to indulge in food, I suggest you plan an alternative itinerary.

    Why are the families so involved?

    What else do you expect? Those who spend have a say. You don’t go to a restaurant to just pay the bill. (You choose what you like). So, families get involved. (in some way or the other, irrespective of the kind of marriage). Another reason is the institution of family itself, which is deemed sacred right from the childhood.

    Are there astrologers involved?

    Depends. (yes, if either of the family is a strong believer). But usually it is a must for all “arranged marriages”. Even if you don’t believe in astrology, you wouldn’t like to step into something which is marked to blow off.

    Is a matchmaker involved?

    Rarely. We have the internet. There are umpteen matchmaking websites. (Indian versions of tinder), magazines and newspaper that offer services to hunt “desired” prospect. If you don’t trust these mediums, you spread the word around your acquaintances. They might as well set you up with someone.

    Why is the divorce rate so low ?

    I can think of three reasons to this. 1. Clearly, finding a partner via arranged marriage is a pain in a**. Why would you do it again? So, the best way is to not disrupt the existing.
    2. Families get involved. Which means, you are not only divorcing the partner, but you are also divorcing the family. (this isn’t easy, considering the plethora of opinions involved)
    3. Legal system demotes it. You can’t just file for a divorce and expect to get separated in couple of weeks. It is a lengthy procedure and takes at least a year ( or more, by when you might as well change your plan).

    [If you are married to your love, I assume you live happily after. If not, points 2 and 3 still stay valid. ]

    How reliable is this information?

    The views (where any) expressed in this post are solely my own. (I don’t say they are any wiser than the existing others.) Let your own judgement prevail .

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • The Perks of being Judgemental

    The five “perks” of being judgemental

    1. You get a chance to “self reflect”

    Being judgemental gives you a chance to self reflect (literally). You see the world through your own eyes. You measure its worth by your own beliefs. 😎
    All your life, you build a holy grail of values, to justify those hidden beliefs. You judge someone on the basis of those (confounding) beliefs.

    So what, if they don’t publish a guide for your principles. You go ahead and publish your own “Bible”. 😎 You build each chapter around those miserable sins, those ignorant commit. (How else would they learn your holy beliefs?)

    You guide them to the only path of salvation. (that is, by becoming you!) 😛 This gives you a chance to self reflect (literally ). Perhaps, you like their version of you?!

    [Self reflection]

    2. The world owes you for your charitable framework

    That habit of standardizing every situation often comes in very handy. (So, you might just meet a person at a bar, know where he or she comes from and write their bio data yourself!. 😛 )Thanks to your judgemental framework, we now know how to make quick conclusions. How else would we know – that Americans are loud. All Canadians are polite. Germans are distant. The Spanish are talkative and all Indians work in IT. 😳

    3. You get done more in less time

    Being judgemental makes you more productive. So, you have a pile of resume sitting at your desk ? Perhaps, you have a tight timeline? Don’t worry. Just be yourself (overly critical) 😈

    (End of one week. Outcome : 100 rejects. Super productive!)

    4. You become an Influencer

    Being judgemental can even make you an influencer. The world is full of meeks.(who want to believe in something) So, you may say whatever the heck you have to say. Just be loud and clear in what you think and someone, somewhere will strike a chord with you. Who knows what sentiments you may trigger! They may as well declare you an overnight success! (#revolutionary #disrupter.)

    We’ve witnessed quite some “influential” leaders in past (although not in a good way) . Who knows you might be the next one? #milord

    5. You don’t have to fit in

    An advantage of being your judgemental self is that you don’t fit in (or rather have to fit in). Those around you just don’t suit your “high” standards. So, you stay happy to be your own friend. (with whom you happen to be in love).

    You probably don’t care if they leave you all alone (& mark your grave – “The overly judgmental.”) You’d be too busy to care. lying in that grave, judging thy neighbors. (Maybe, they understand your wisdom better)

    After note:
    Wondering why that therapist says “don’t be judgemental”?
    Maybe, he made a flaw in his judgement! 😎
    P.S – Just a perspective. Absolutely not self help! 😉

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • Shark Bite(s)

    This probably is the weirdest thing I’ve ever tried. Fermented shark. (still recovering from its memory).

    Back in 2019, on our trip to Iceland, (me & my spouse) discovered this local specialty in Reykjavik. I remember being super excited when we saw this in the menu of a cafe in city centre. We ordered it right away. The waiter seemed thrilled with our request. He came back in a few minutes with a miniature bowl of shark bites. (My first thought – too expensive for its size!). People sitting around us (both sides) started staring at our table.Their eyes were fixated on us. I wondered why this was such a big deal.

    Then, I put that first nibble in my mouth and an explosion of ammonia filled my senses. I was overwhelmed with that strong, pungent taste. I kept struggling to keep chewing. My eyes rolled every time I bit a piece. I heard the laughter of our neighbours from both sides .They seemed to be enjoying the show. I realized then, why they’ve been staring all along. They expected this to happen. (what else do you think, a decomposed fish would taste like?)

    The Greenland shark is fermented for close to six months under the sand, where it rots in its own ammonia & uric acid. It is then dried and chopped into small pieces. (ready to eat). All this effort, so one can eat a shark!(which otherwise would be too toxic to eat)

    Alas! I swallowed that bite with a shot of liquor.(I was grateful that they served it along.) My taste buds were numb for the rest of the day. I was glad it was over. Never been thankful after a meal before.

    I wonder how the Vikings cherished it! (Either the food was scarce or their taste buds were seriously destroyed) 🙄

    © myhandwrites.com. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • Happiness is a Myth

    Happiness is unreal. Our own instincts are designed against it. There are thousands of books on the topic of Happiness. The self help industry is basically obsessed with this subject. But it is not a natural state of our minds. If it were, why then would we need to learn to be happy?

    Comparison is our mother. We evolved from monkeys. What did you expect? C’mon, we don’t invent our needs. We identify with what others need. We crave for more, for better version of what they have. Until, we have it all. (which basically is never 😎 ). That instinct to compare, leaves us unsatisfied. I knew this guy from school. He was so dumb. Couldn’t write a sentence without a spelling error. Wonder how he landed that job. 🙄 I wish.. blah blah.. Why on earth is she so thin? She looks so damn good in that pink dress. Ohh god! When will I loose some weight. Crib! Crib!

    We have an urge to belong. Humans are social. We live in herds. That desire to fit in comes in very natural. It is what makes us do “adjustments”. We adapt ourselves constantly to keep up with the rest. So what, if you moved to a new country. What? They don’t speak English there? Ohh, okay. You can adjust. (yourself & your expectations). You can speak a new language. Years pass. Arghh, this is so tough! (sorry, we can’t teach you no more, you just don’t belong!). That urge to belong somewhere can be really exhausting.

    We are constantly searching “the Meaning”. We love to believe in destiny. They say, “everything happens for a reason”. So we spend our whole lives, searching for that purpose. We try find meaning in whatever the heck we do. So, you frustrated with your life yet? Can’t do that work, eat, play no more? Planning kids? Hell yeah! Of course, we were born to multiply!

    At any given time, we live in all three dimensions of time. Believe me! We already have a time machine. Every living moment, we traverse through three time zones – The past, the present and that glorious future. If you look back now, the past seems beautiful.(It may have sucked at that point!). We tweak our past, every time we think about it.

    The future on other hand, is a promising dream. We gather a wish list every time we think about it. That past & the future are benchmark to the present. So imagine living through these three eras in a single instant. Does that make you feel depressed about your present? Does it seem miserable somehow? That tendency to time travel leads to disappointment, leaving us unhappy.

    We are scared of unknown. You wanna know what happens after that vaccine comes? You die from its side effects instead of Covid itself. You think dying is dreadful? Imagine living with a lousy lung for the rest of your life. Uncertainty scares the hell out of us. In the monkey mode that we operate , we can’t cope with new problems. That’s why we are obsessed with finding standard solutions. Our theories publicize solutions. That makes us comfortable to navigate our journey.

    Imagine happiness as a theory to navigate living. It makes us hopeful. It makes us feel content with life. Would we strive for it, if nobody talks about it? Or would we start accepting ourselves (& that bag full of crappy feelings)?

    Happiness is a myth. Acceptance is the key.

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • In the name of God

    Disclaimer : This post neither preaches nor condemns any religion or the existence of god. It merely tells my own short story, in my own words. So, don’t leave hateful comments. I am a very sensitive. (Just gulp it down on a lighter note!) 😛

    When I was eight years old, I remember going to a pilgrimage, high in the mountains. I remember hiking 13 kms (one way) on my own feet and how terribly drained I was. My lovely fellas overestimated my abilities. I wasn’t a sporty kid and that long walk took a toll on my baby muscles. I kept halting every five minutes while they motivated me to chant the name of god. So, I sang along and crawled for another five minutes until I came to the next halt. I kept wondering why reciting the name of god doesn’t work for me. It clearly did wonders for all others on that pilgrimage. 🙄

    And then, after a day long hike, when we were just a kilometre away from the holy shrine, I threw a revolt, demanding to sleep. It was peak of the night and everybody knew what this would mean -they would miss the opportunity to see the shrine with an EMPTY QUEUE.

    They gave up. Not b’coz they were scared of my rebellion but because they couldn’t carry me on their shoulders. 😆

    And we slept in an ashram nearby. For seven whole hours. It seemed like a minute. I was so exhausted! Next morning, we woke up to find a kilometre long queue to the shrine. I remember my fellas being unhappy as they kept moaning – if only I could have walked that one last km. I wasn’t guilty. I was rebellious. I decided to skip walking entirely during the return trip downhill. 😎 They paid someone to carry me on his shoulders, while they all walked along, singing the name of god. That was the first time I questioned my faith in almighty. Does he really exist? Why do we have to go through this pain to see him? Does he even care?

    Fast forward two decades. And here I am – An atheist. (agnostic would sound better, more diplomatic. but I like to be honest with myself). I can’t justify my belief or how I ended up being so, but I think atheism is also a faith (in non existence of super power) , just like any other faith you may have. I often wonder about all the things we do in the name of god. Maybe we believe in his existence, maybe we don’t. But, maybe we should question the things we do in his name.

    Why do we pump billions into building churches & temples & all those gigantic holy monuments? Do we have such surplus that we can afford the luxury? Why do we politicize religion? Why do we propagate religious riots? Why do we practice rituals that clearly don’t sound logical?Why do we cultivate superstitions that we can’t prove ourselves? Why do we boycott those who question them?And most important, why do all the things that we do in the name of god, go unchallenged?

    Do we base our morals & ethics on humanity? Or do they exist to please the gods? Perhaps we induce fear of non compliance under his name? (Is that why we curse about going to hell.). Should we not justify our actions based on how they impact other humans? Or do we want our gods to own our actions? (Gawd! he must be really brave to take responsibility of our holy deeds!)

    Things we do in his name!

    P.S – I just realized that I am writing this post on the day, when the foundation stone of Hindu temple (Ram Mandir) is being laid. It is a historic moment as this happens almost three decades after the Babri masjid (mosque) was demolished from this exact site (a reason for riots in 1992).

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.