I’d always been a chubby kid. I don’t reckon a skinny version of myself. (except for maybe a short span in my twenties, when I stayed in a dorm. Food was plenty but inedible). I don’t recollect ever being tensed about gaining a few pounds here or there. I was rather carefree, adjusting my wardrobe instead. 😛 That went perfectly fine as long as I stayed in India. ( they ain’t all perfectly carved out models there!). Moving to Netherlands however, changed my perspective. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fitness freaks! 😳
Surprise.. Surprise!
It all started with those evening walks outside my home. That’s when the first signs of frustration started brewing in. I walked like a sightseeing tourist, while men & women surpassed me, running ahead in shorts & sneakers.Then there were those on cycles, wearing suits and ties, commuting miles to and fro for work. To top this up, people played heavy duty sports after a long day at work, flaunting their “celebrity” like bodies, while I sat there, questioning my life time choices. 🙄
I was an oddity. (The chubby one) and I didn’t even know how much of it was an “extra me”. So, I decided to tread on the path of self discovery. Mustering little courage I had, I jumped onto the weighting machine.
Not all surprises are good. This was deeply disturbing. I had gained quite a few pounds here and there, surpassing my “acceptable” limit. 😥
Time for new resolutions
The problem solver in me was awake that night. I couldn’t dwell into getting depressed for long. So, I came up with a personal goal list and stuck it on the wall across my hall.
It was concise and clear. (just like my conscience 😎 ).
I saw it every morning before leaving the house. I saw it every evening before going to the bed. That constant reinforcement made me believe I was on top of solving this issue for once and for all. It was under “my” control.
The First timers complex
Soon, I decided to join a gym. I’ve been to a gym before but my definition of workout did not go beyond a few cardio exercises. So when the trainer asked me to try those gazillion other equipment, I was stumped. 😯 I had no clue of how any of it worked.
I fiddled with the weights clumsily, while the trainer felt nervous about me breaking the instruments. 😆 He stayed calm (on the outside) and patiently demoed the basics to me. I felt embarrassed around all those professionals.
It took me a week to tame my anxious self.
Thank God it’s Sunday
Soon, the weekend arrived. I wasn’t particularly pleased with my tough regime of diet and exercise. It sucked my energy. (& my soul). So, I planned a dinner with my spouse to a fancy restaurant, thinking it might as well help me relax.
My spouse ordered beer and some more beer while I tried to fit in my new role as a “fitness freak”.
My salad arrived with some sparkling water and I chewed like a cow, realizing this evening couldn’t have been duller indeed. 🙄
Darkness is the evil
We came back home with a full stomach but I had trouble falling asleep. 🙁 I couldn’t help but think about the delicious cuisines, I might have eaten instead. My craving grew as the hours passed and all my will power finally gave in.
For the sake of sleep and the work next day, I decided to eat a “little” something.
I strolled through the kitchen and took a good long look at all our collectibles. I handpicked a few of my favourites, just to start with.
Definitely not in “my” control
My guilt turned off as I switched on TV. And as I ate, I felt more hungry.
Turns out, that night, I ate for the whole week.
The Aftermath
I woke up next morning feeling ashamed.
I saw my goal list and felt so guilty.
Clearly something had to change, either me or the goal list.
And that’s when I did this little something. 😎
#stillchubby
© Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.
Comments
25 responses to “A little (Over)weight”
I loved this little story you have shared. Getting a better relationship with food is something I’m working on currently. I think a lot of it, is what you mentioned. How you compared yourself to others. Everyone is on their own journeys, you are on yours and im on mine. Were all at various different stages. Im sure those people who walked faster than you started where you were at too!
Its a constant battle in your mind isn’t it? Food is to be enjoyed, everything in moderation.
Its also important to know when to draw the line too. Like you said, tomorrow is a new day!
Very well said Olivia. 🙂 Indeed it is a constant struggle and I found it became easier to move ahead by thinking of every day as a new one. I don’t make very specific goals now (they are harder to maintain). I rather keep it simple in my mind – Just to be fit!
I love my food too much to betray it by cheating in the gym. 😜
Lol! 😆😆
Lovely post! I relate to everything in it, besides joining the gym.
Thanks, I’m glad you liked it! ☺️
Lovely post. Even I used to be so concerned about my weight previously. But food is always a priority 😂.
So now I am just aiming to remain fit no matter how much I weight.
Thank you. Can relate to this feeling 🙂
I love reading your writeups the combination of illustrations is just osmmm 👌👌.
Thank you so much. Appreciate your comment ☺️
I remember those days well Megha.. all of your visuals were a great addition.
Thanks Cindy. Glad it rings a bell somewhere too! 😊
i too
like you
have a weight
wait problem
big appetite is why
oh me oh my~
Great post! Thanks for following my blog! Your support means so much!
I’ve found that teeny tiny steps are best – like… I’ll walk ten steps more than I did yesterday. Lol. And going out to dinner should always be an exception to dieting rules. 🙂 Good luck with the diet!
True! Tiny steps are a must for starting a habit 😛Thanks for sharing your experience 🙂
I so identify, Megha.
Thanks! ☺️
Am I the only one whose weight remains the same (thin as a wafer) no matter how much I eat!?😭😂
Lol. Looks like you are really lucky! 🤪
Wow Megha!!! I could have written that. I really enjoyed this post because I could relate to it 100%. For me also it’s a struggle everyday, thank god I am in India😁😁😁😁😁
Thanks Shaheen. I’m glad that you understand this feeling. You cook great though , I guess that helps in resisting the temptation to eat outside. As for me, I’ve dropped therigourous regime and aim to be fit simply! 😬
Very beautiful post.
Thank you 🙂
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