What's on my Mind

Tag: Frustration

  • What is it like to be around “Resentful People”

    Disclaimer : This is not a self help article , so don’t be worried about getting any free advice. 😛 If you are looking for some, you are better off reading LinkedIn posts that offer “Superhuman” tips to deal with resentment.

    Over years, I have noticed there could be several sources of resentment. So, how do you know where the bitterness is really coming from? Do you even realize what just happened to you was an act of resentment?

    Well, I might have not mastered dealing with resentful people but I certainly have made some progress in identifying its several forms. 😎

    Do you recognize any of these not so pleasant episodes of resentment?

    1. Let me hold it back .. To throw it back

    Have you encountered someone who seems to be holding onto something? Who often makes subtle references to it BUT when you talk about it -THEY SAY NOTHING. Chances are – they are piling up surprises for you in their Santa Claus bag.

    Then one day, when you are with them, trying to fix something, you notice that eerie silence surrounding you. You think you are doing it right and just then you screw it up. That’s when, then they let it all out.

    Did you anticipate that shriek – “I told you but you never listen” ? That’s just their bottled up disappointment in you (a root of resentment), waiting till this moment.

    2. You talking to me? I wasn’t the one being Promoted

    Have you worked with a friend who was super nice but suddenly became grumpy after that promotion of yours? Did you feel like you were talking to walls when you were asking for their help or venting about your new role? Is it just you or have they also withdrawn from others?

    Unfortunately, the world is unfair and your friend might have realized this later than you think. So, they leave you all alone to battle this crazy world. It’s just their way of revenging humanity.

    That feeling of how the world is unfair, can root in some long and strong resentment.

    3. The Perils of Parenthood

    There was a time in my life when everyone around me was having kids. All my social feeds were filled with cute baby pics and it made me introspect the purpose of my life. 🙄

    But, then I met this dear friend of mine who unlocked the other side of this story. She wished so often to go back to her good old days that it felt like she regretted having a kid. 😆

    Having kids can make you go nuts. Kids don’t sleep. They don’t always eat. They are almost always hyperactive.They love to play but with YOU and not their TOYS. And if you disagree with any of these, crying comes to them as natural as walking. You might think that you are taming them but in reality – They are taming You.

    If you notice a parent constantly bickering about their kid, you’d know where this resentment is coming from – regrets due unrealistic expectations and wishful thinking.

    4. I don’t trust you No More

    Have you ever received this ultimatum in last relationships – It’s either me or her? A study says most times this question ends up in a divorce. So, if I were you (who faced this deadly choice), I would vest all my energy in searching the root cause.

    Have you been showering compliments around while your wife stood staring, next to you ? Have you been graciously displaying your manners to co-workers when everyone at home knows you as a Couch Potato? Did you forget to praise your partner in that lovely green dress? If the answer to any of these is YES, I think we all know why you received this ultimatum. 😆

    Your split personality has been causing quite some insecurity. It destroyed the little trust your partner had in you, resulting in a boiling resentment.

    5. And Sometimes, It’s just Chain Reaction

    So, you got yelled at office today or someone humiliated you publicly? Does that make you feel like a “Nobody”? Do you feel powerless? Chances are – whatever you are feeling right now has the potential to release the monstrosity hormone, that will help you take back control. It might as well result in chain resentment where everybody is just trying to find some balance.

    The hunger to be in charge or feel powerful has carved some very Lunatic Resentful people in this world. I hope you are not one of them and neither are you planning to become one. 😉

    Anyhow, I had enough of sharing these not so pleasant episodes in a single day. The only point I am trying to convey here is that everyone is resentful at some point in their life. They might just not realize it at that moment. And the cause of this resentment is often within them (not external).

    While it feels bad to be at the receiving end of resentment, it is no party for the resentor either.Those who resent are sufferers themselves.

    So, the next time you meet a bitter person, I hope you recognize his/her resentment and its origin. I hope you come out positive, feeling pity for the person.

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.

  • Why things go wrong at work?

    Do you wonder why things are not looking good at work? Why does your hard work not pay off proportionally? Why is it that Tom, Dick & Harry got promoted while you are stuck here (reading this post)? Maybe it’s your first time experiencing this disappointment? Or may be you have had this frustration before? When things don’t seem good constantly, there may a reason underlying it.

    In 1969, a psychologist named Dr. Laurence Peter came up with a principle – The Peter Principle that explains how an organisational hierarchy functions. It drills down the cause of why things really go wrong at workplace. While It may seem quite old, I found his wisdom relevant, even today. In fact, they even teach this in several management curriculum.

    Why are some employees so Incompetent?

    Do you ever wonder why you are surrounded by incompetent morons? (well, you may have at least one around?). Think about it this way – The skills required to get a job often have nothing to do with the job itself. This, is relevant in every job and every industry.

    Consider Presidency for example, the skills required to run and win a political campaign are quite different from what it takes to do the actual job. Trump lives this example. Similarly, there is nothing about being a great surgeon that prepares a doctor to run a hospital. So by this means, a lot of people who shine bright in interviews might lack the skills to perform their job. No wonder, why you are stuck with them! 😕

    And why are they getting promoted?

    Speaking about promotions, there is a simple theory to this much coveted phenomenon. Everyone in an organization keeps on getting promoted until they reach their level of incompetence. At that point they stop being promoted. So given enough time and enough promotion levels, every position in a firm will be occupied by someone who can’t do the job.”

    How do we let this happen?

    The truth is, employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence. They merely gossip about it. Question is, how can an employee move up the ladder when blocked by someone who has reached his level of incompetence? The answer – he can’t. Neither by his efforts nor by the help of a patron. This is because demotion is a rare phenomenon. The only way to rise up the ladder is to move into a promotion channel that is not blocked. In reality, this is often visible when people change departments or leave companies.

    What happens when you are super competent?

    If you are a supremely competent employee surrounded by idiots, you probably should be worried about your fate. 🙄 In most hierarchies, super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence. Ordinary incompetence, as seen, is no cause for dismissal: it is simply a bar to promotion. Super-competence often leads to dismissal, because it disrupts the hierarchy, and thereby violates the first commandment of hierarchical life: the hierarchy must be preserved.

    Then, how do we get the work done?

    If everyone eventually gets promoted to reach his or her level of incompetency, do you not wonder who really is turning the wheels at work? 😳 Well, we rarely find such a system where every employee has reached his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those, who have not yet reached their level of incompetence. In most instances, something is being done to delay their progress, so the hierarchy can still exist.

    What does this mean for you?

    Now you know why things don’t go well at work. You may be the one causing it 😉 OR perhaps you are just a victim of Peter principle. Question is, can you change your situation? Maybe. this is easier said than done.

    Most organizations, these days, employ techniques to avoid the pit falls of Peter Principle. They attempt to flatten their organisational hierarchy. Be it by being agile or be it by sharing 360 degree feedback or be it any other mechanism. The truth is, while this might work for some, in most cases it just brings a false sense of accomplishment. (we aren’t all competent to steer this change)

    So, going by the record, the Peter principle is here to stay, We can’t really get completely rid of it. Perhaps, it just helps to know that it exists and that’s why things go wrong at work!

    © Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.