It has been a week since I returned to the Netherlands, and honestly, I feel a bit weird getting back here. For starters, it’s a corona-free nation. (Or at least looks like it).As opposed to India, where paranoia from the deadly wave persists, Netherlands looks rash. When I came out of the airport with my mask on, I drew quite some attention from people around. None had their face covered. It was like they stopped manufacturing face masks in the Netherlands. I was disappointed, of course, because I brought like a thousand in my luggage, and now they’re just sitting in my cabinet, waiting for the next wave!
Walking around in the evening felt strange too. Pubs, Bars, and Cafes were open late. Both indoors and outdoors were jam-packed with people enjoying beer, chit-chatting.
I kept thinking about my time in India. People walked on the pavement in their apartments. (with masks on). Kids stayed at home, attending online classes. We spent days inside, watching television and ordering food. It was like living in a constant state of fear and getting so accustomed to it that any normal would make you feel guilty.
After close to two months of being there, I’m back in this free country. And must I say – It is damn hard to switch. No one seems to care about rules or Covid, and I’m having difficulties tuning in. The pace of living is getting to me. I am anxious ‘coz I am missing out on living.
Does the cover of this book make you smile? (because I completely fell in love with it. so much so that I bought the kindle edition last month.) That scary-looking, overly delightful raccoon is very much real. (except that it’s dead and taxidermied by the author.)
In her book “Furiously Happy” Jenny gives a peek into her insanely overworked mind. She talks about her cats, her therapist, a “normal” husband, and everything – hamster, Australia, Galileo, Parsley, and whatnot. Behind every weird conclusion she makes is a bulletproof theory that she invents with an overly creative mind. Jenny also talks about her experiences with depression and anxiety with candid honesty. She is very expressive about how she feels in her lowest days, how she handles the fear, the success and persisting condition of mental illness. Her courage to talk about these topics in such details is the soul of this book.
Jenny’s writing style makes you connect with her instantly. Reading it felt like sitting inside her head.
I saw Anne Frank trending on Twitter and I thought she’d died. Again. Turns out it was the person who found her diary that died. She’s fine. And by ‘fine’ I mean ‘still dead.’ Not that I think that it’s fine that she’s dead. I just think it’s fine that she’s not back from the dead. No one needs an Anne Frank zombie. ~ Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy
I try not to get caught up in appearance issues though because my grandmother always used to say, “It’s what’s inside that counts.” And that’s probably true because with my luck my best feature would be hidden deep, deep inside my body. I suspect my best feature is my skeleton, which is a shame because it might be the most elegant and hauntingly graceful skeleton ever but I’ll never get complimented on it while I’m still fleshy enough to appreciate it. That’s why I’d like people to say “Nice skeleton” to me now. Just give me the benefit of doubt, you know? “ ~ Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy
It took me over a month to finish this book. Not that it’s lengthy, but because it’s a series of essays, each with a very distinct title. That’s why I found it a good bedtime read. There are some parts in this book where you think the author is rambling on, but I guess that is really how an anxious mind looks.
I’ve learned from reading this book that it’s hard to dislike someone when they are so genuine. I, therefore, recommend this book for its original style. It would make you laugh while giving you a perspective on what it feels like to be anxious or depressed.
Four stars for Jenny Lawson’s Furiously Happy! (She did make me happy)
It’s been over a month since I travelled from the Netherlands. So yes, I’m back here again. In India. (I mean). I had to travel this time to cope with the aftermath of the corona crisis.
I don’t reckon many acquaintances who haven’t suffered the second wave. While I feel sorry for losing my relatives, I feel favoured to have a family (Alive!). They weren’t spared from this wave either. They crawled through the mess. (this time) Fear drives our routine now. Nobody steps out of the house. No stranger gets in. I’m not sure how long this would continue and when we’d recover from the paranoia.
I wonder if this is our new normal, or are we just being unreasonable? P.S – It’s hard to forget what you can’t forget.
I finally pushed myself enough today to write this short update. Writing has been on hold as I travelled to India (again) to help a health situation back home. My mum had a knee replacement surgery. (planned and delayed multiple times due covid)
Travelling to India was a cumbersome project in these new restrictions. I got tested for PCR in the Netherlands 72 hours before my flight. On my arrival in India, I was asked to take a mandatory PCR test at airport again. (not kidding, there was a queue for that! You should be worried that you are gonna be infected coz you weren’t before). Somehow, I reached safely and things have been fine since then. (including mum).
I haven’t been reading a lot particularly. Furiously Happy is my bed time read. Review to follow next month. I haven’t been writing. [sad]. Bought a subscription for Masterclass. Loved it but overpriced.
This weekend, I’ll fly back to the Netherlands. [in peace]
I was notified that my WordPress domain is about to expire. It got me thinking how expensive my hobby has become! [now you know why I felt pushed today]
Last month, I embarked on my journey to fitness. After my sports injury in 2020, in which I hurt my left hip, I was confined to bed rest for five months. It was hard. It was frustrating. I struggled to walk straight for almost eight months. I lost a lot of muscle in my injured leg and also gained some extra pounds. I wasn’t fit and I was recovering (in spite). I realized, how amazingly resilient our body is, how it endures our extravagant lifestyle but continues to heal naturally, each day. If only, we weren’t exploiting it with our daily habits, we would all be athletes.
So, as January commenced , I had three resolutions in my mind, to aid my fitness journey. All I wanted, was to be fit again. 1. Quit Coffee. I have to admit that I was once, aCoffee addict. I drank four cups each day. (mostly black). I couldn’t open my eyes in the morning without coffee. I almost always carried a cup of coffee while I travelled to work. Lunch too, was followed by an espresso shot. It felt like I woke up each day to drink coffee.
Fortunately, that changed ever since the offices were shut close. At home, I didn’t have a decent coffee machine so I switched to tea most times. That simple change put a break to my coffee routine. After few weeks, I realized I had consistent energy levels throughout the day. I did not crave for caffeine after lunch. I felt more awake and energetic than before.
In January, I did not have a single cup of coffee.
2. Go Alcohol free. This resolution came in easier to realize than I imagined. I was hooked onto medications for so long during my recovery that I’ve gotten used to zero alcohol intake. After getting back on my feet, I didn’t resume social drinking. I replaced beer with sparkling water instead. With no alcohol intake, I’ve been drifting to better eating habits too.
For example, when I’m in a restaurant, I eat less coz there is no wine to accompany. I do not order pizza as often as I did before, coz there is no beer to accompany. It may be hard for some to imagine a social set up without alcohol. But I’ve come to reckon that this merely is a mental block (a deep rooted association).
January was DRY (& social).
3. Plan my meals ahead. This by far, has been my most important discovery. In January, I started using a meal planning app to plan my meals a day ahead. You must know that meal planning is not the same as dieting. It simply is, journaling your meal intake and nutrition. Using this has helped me largely rectify my eating patterns. I’ve noticed, I’ve been eating more home cooked food than before. Also, I do not have have to think what is in for dinner after a long tiring workday. In January alone. I’ve lost a few pounds just by sticking to a pre-planned meal.
Fitness apart, I’ve also been reading a lot.Last month I picked up the bestselling book by Mary L. Trump – Too much and never enough. Mary L. Trump is a niece of Donald Trump which is why this book was a surprise to me.
The fact that she chose to write about her uncle in such debilitating details, ascertains trouble in Trump family. Mary uncovers in this book how her family & her grandfather (in particular) have shaped Donald’s personality. She reveals the past of her dysfunctional family & their business fortune, banishing any creditability that former US president may still have. It is an interesting read, that will take you closer to understanding the root of trump tweets (although he doesn’t tweet anymore 😉 ). I will write a full review of this book soon, in one of my upcoming posts.
So, that is all I have for January. (& as it is probably evident, January was helluva satisfying.) Hopefully that is just the start and I will have more to share in coming months.
Until then, Signing off from my monthly letter. 💙 Megha
Remembering January – “The Only monthly letter that talks about my own living.”
Last month, I picked up this book as I was intrigued with its title. It took me only a week to finish this read and all this time I had many Aha moments, where I felt Gawd! this is so true! This isn’t a self help book and certainly not a book barraging old philosophy. It rather is a series of guide posts, each entailing author’s personal story, her experience as a researcher and how it shaped her view of whole hearted living. (what whole hearted living really is!)
The author starts by discussing shame. (a topic she studied for almost two decades.) I instantly reckon her description of shame – An “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Brené connects this feeling of shame to our sense of striving for perfection. Through her research, she breaks the myth of combining perfection with success and happiness. She explains how perfectionism hampers success. How often it is a path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.
Brené also talks about courage and vulnerability. She explains how courage is like a habit,you become courageous by couraging. Both courage and vulnerability are must to form a meaningful connection. In her ten guideposts, she describes how wholehearted living rests on courage, compassion, connection. She explains how love, belonging, and worthiness foster the feeling of wholehearted living.
There are several quotes in this book that can get you thinking. And if you are like me, reading them twice, you’d come to appreciate the simplicity of her idea.
Below were my three favorite quotes from this book.
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”
After I finished this book, I felt a dire need to read her other work. I discovered her blog (very interesting) and checked out her other books. I’m planning to pick one of these titles very soon. See full list at the end of this post.
Bottom line, If you are going through a rough patch and looking for a bed time read, I’d definitely recommend reading The gifts of Imperfection. I read it coz I found its title very attractive. I recommend it coz I simply loved the book.
My Goodreads rating (5/5)
Brené Brown’s other books
1. I thought it was just me – Hiding your struggle isn’t always the answer. Life’s imperfections are part of what it means to be human—and that’s OK 2.Daring Greatly – Despite common opinion, experiencing vulnerability is a personal sign of strength rather than weakness. 3.Rising Strong – Brown explores the ways you can become comfortable with being vulnerable in order to be your strongest self—and open to life’s joy and love. 4. Daring to lead – Using research conducted with cultural change makers, Brown teaches us how we can take fundamental human ideals—connection, courage, and empathy, for example—and turn them into tools to become more conscientious leaders. 5. Braving the wilderness – By introducing key practices of “true belonging,” Brown educates us on ways we can reconnect with our true selves amidst an increasingly distracting, perfectionist world. A key factor? Embracing nature.
My first visit to dentist came in when I was eight year old. My fellas took me for a routine checkup that ended up revealing four cavities. I was disappointed & scared to an extent that I had nightmares for the next few weeks. Fortunately, my fellas had faith over my god sent teeth & serious doubts over that local dentist. They spared me the dental procedure and I was relieved. Two decades later, my teeth are still intact. (at least those four ). That first dental visit certainly didn’t make a good impression! 🙄
Over the next few years, my biggest worry of visiting a dentist became the fear of uncovering new problems. This one time, I visited a dentist coz of pain in a wisdom tooth. I was worried about one wisdom tooth when I arrived at his office but by the time I left, I was worried about all four. Apparently, they were all doomed to fail. He suggested having them all removed. 😬 Overwhelmed with his opinion, I couldn’t even deal with the problem at hand. I ended up postponing the procedure for a decade. Since then I’ve learned – worst are the dentists that amplify your problems.
Postponing is not a solution. Last year, one of my wisdom tooth finally gave up. I couldn’t chew without pain, so I chewed from the other side. (For almost a month). The timing couldn’t have been more tragic. Fear of pandemic was lurking around. Most dental clinics were closed. As the pain worsened, my fellas dragged me to see a dentist next door. (Fortunately open!)
So, Here I was, sitting in his clinic, leaned back on an operating chair, thinking about my past dental experiences. Dodging the ball away, was hardly a possibility this time. 😟
And then, he removed my first wisdom tooth Sensing my fear, my dentist assured me of a painless procedure. That of course involved anesthesia and pain medications. It took him thirty minutes. I felt a prick in my mouth from the anesthesia shot. After that I felt NOTHING. Not even when he used his full body force against my jaw to remove my wisdom tooth. Not even when he cut my jawbone to loosen the grip of tooth. It was a painless procedure (as he claimed).
Until next day.. When I woke up, my face was like a pumpkin. My cheek was swollen to thrice its size. I was hooked onto painkillers, without which, the pain would have been unbearable. I spent the whole day inside my house, afraid to go outside with my swollen face. That lasted for a week. I didn’t go outdoors and ate baby soft food. I learned that then, most dentists are good salesmen. (And nothing ever is painless)
It has been a while now since my last visit to dentist. The prophecy of my other three wisdom teeth still awaits. While the clock is ticking and I’m writing this piece, I wonder if I can ever stop dreading the dentists.
Hola, This monthly letter comes out a bit later than usual. I’m happy though that it isn’t the end of January yet or I would have to skip December altogether! 😬 If I weren’t a potato glued to the couch ,watching television, I might have finished writing this piece a lot sooner. Holidays have made me lazy. (or is it winter?) Anyhow, New year ain’t about regrets. It is about new resolutions. So, I’ll conquer my drafts very soon.
If you are wondering how was my December. Here’s a quick recap.
Returning home
December unfolded my plan to return to the Netherlands (after spending close to eight months in India). It really took me that long to recover from a sports injury! 😌 After eight months, I was super excited to be back home. Netherlands felt like a new country all over again.
However, within two days of my arrival to the Netherlands, a nation wide lock down was announced (owing to surging corona cases). All non essentials shops and restaurants were barred from operation. An advisory against foreign travel was issued. Borders were closed for tourism. My timing couldn’t have been more depressing.
Celebrating Christmas
I’ve not spent Christmas at home for last five years. It used to be a perfect time for vacation, explore new countries, celebrate, watch fireworks with herds of people on the street. Needless to say, that changed this year. We stayed back home for Christmas.
That brought upon a new struggle. You see, we’ve never bought a “real” Christmas tree before. So, I was struggling with just the basics – Where do I find a tree? (in lock down). Should we buy a tree that is twice my size? Would we need a tree stand? How much is too much for decorations ? (pricewise) What do we do with that tree afterwards? Who is gonna carry it? Where are we gonna dispose it? On the streets?
While I was spinning this bundle of worries, trees were running out of stock. Most Keerstwinkel( Christmas shops) were closed due lock down. A week before Christmas, the fear of missing out pushed me to order a large tree. It was home delivered, just on time (grateful, we didn’t have to carry it ourselves). We finally had our first real tree for Christmas. 🤩 I was quick to order decorations too. To my surprise, they costed twice the price of tree. Christmas was a costly affair!
Time to open Presents!
On the day of Christmas, I became my own Santa. I gifted myself an iPhone 12. 😀 Quite an upgrade to my previous phone – Iphone 7, that was once washed with Laundry and had audio issues ever since. (Strangely, it survived a full wash cycle so I was stuck with it for two years.) I am delighted with my new iPhone now. It has perfect bright display. The camera makes you look better and I’m still marveling at its audio quality.
I’ve finally finished this book
Last month, I also finished the book that I’ve been reading for over a month – the biography of cancer – Emperor of all Maladies. I was always intrigued by Cancer, its silent and deadly nature. This book personifies cancer. It talks about history, the origin of cancer, how we came to understand its patterns, how we discovered chemotherapy and other remedies. Is that really a remedy? Can we cure Cancer? These were some interesting questions, the author tries to answer in this book. You don’t need to have an inclination towards biology to understand it. The author breaks down this information in layman style. chronologically, explaining the gravity of this disease. It was one voluminous read, but I’m glad I’ve finished it. Definitely recommend it. My Goodreads rating (4.5/5)
Currently reading
My current read is titled “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. I found this on my kindle suggestions and really liked its gist. It basically draws on things that get in the way of wholehearted living. The author has been a researcher of shame, fear and vulnerability for decades. She uses her research to illustrate how our shame (of imperfection) holds us back in life. How this affects love and belongingness.
What I liked about her writing style is that she does not drag on with examples from her research but rather uses her personal stories & struggles to explain the fundamentals of her research. I’ll rate this book in my next monthly letter, when I’d be finished with it. (definitely)
Discovering Dutch movies
In the holiday week of Christmas, I ran a movie marathon (this time also including some Dutch titles). I was pleasantly surprised to discover my language skills. (I understood most of them without English subtitles) 🙃 I loved weg van jouw (comedy). It was a story of young, ambitious women who was relocated for work to a rural hamlet instead of an exotic country. The rural hamlet is Zeeland. (the southern province of the Netherlands). Not sure if that’s how they think of Zeeland really? Alles voor elkaar was another movie about four girl pals turning 30 realizing they missed out a lot in life. So they decide to pursue their wildest dreams. It was light and fun. Huisvrouwen bestaan niet was also on my list. It literally translates to no such thing as house wife. It was a story of two sisters and mother trying to find balance between private and professional life. I really enjoyed watching it.
Apart from these, I watched dozen other trending series on Netflix. (& classics of 90’s). Explains the break in my blogging schedule. It’s either Netflix or blogging, I suppose. I wonder how we can do both?!🙄
Flying business class has been on my wish list since quite some time. Every time we flew international, the long wait hours, airport queues, packed and uncomfortable seating with accompanying jet lag harrowed our travel experience. 😠 I fantasized about business class every time we flew but succumbed to the rationality offered by Economy. 🙄
That changed this year when a sports injury left me in recovery for months.
I had a stiff leg. 🦵 I couldn’t imagine squeezing it in jampacked seats (unable to stretch my leg for hours). It was a need to fly business class. A need that justified the humungous costs! (One at a price of three) My partner gave in too, to accompany me. 😬
So here we were, buying business class tickets for the first time. 😛
P.S – Remind me to cut our expenses the next six months.
The travel day
Our travel date arrived soon and I found myself packing in the whole universe. (Our baggage allowance was doubled) 😛
Once we reached airport, we were offered free lounge access pass after checking in.
We had four hours at our hands to kill before our flight to the Netherlands.
What a wait!
When we arrived at the lounge, I was captivated by its view. It seemed a large relaxation zone that had a central restaurant with comfortable sofa seating around it. I remember hip hopping multiple couches before landing on the perfect cushion. 😎
Food and drinks were free, the spread slightly reduced due Covid 19 😏.
Nevertheless, we had a fantastic time trying out every item they had on their menu , gulping down free beer and waking up with hot espresso.
Four hours flew by in the blink of an eye!
I’m so Excited!
As the announcements for our flight began, we gathered near the gate to join the business class queue. (the shortest queue, I’ve ever seen). Within few minutes, we boarded the aircraft.
One glimpse at our seats revealed why we had to pay the price for three. (they were spaced out to occupy three of the economy).
I could stretch my legs to full length without even touching the seat ahead of me. They had controls installed to makeshift a bed out of that seat. We even had our own cabin space. (our personal cabin storage). I squeezed in a giant hand bag and my jackets with ease.
I was excited. We were about to fly business class, first time.
Bring it on!
The Experience started as soon as we onboarded the flight. They served a welcome drink just before the take off. We were given travel kits that had a cozy pair of socks and other handy stuff for the flight duration.
After take off, things kept coming in. 😎 Three course meal menus were designed by Michelin star Chefs that promised a restaurant class service. I was delighted to see some real cutlery. My appetite was a surprise (even for me) as I readily stuffed in another meal just an hour after my previous one.
My partner didn’t forget to order cocktails and soon we were both were engrossed in eating and drinking. (again)
Wake me up when December ends
After the food mania, it was time to go to bed. (since we had one!). So, here I was, stretching full size, sleeping with a blanket and pillow (like a baby).
My partner (who rarely sleeps on flights), tuned in to the large TV screen hooked in front of him. A nice collection of movies and music kept him engaged for some hours until he fell asleep (just like me!)
It was the best ever sleep I had on a flight & I wasn’t planning to wake up soon. 😴I even turned away a Michelin star breakfast in my sleep.
Just few minutes before landing, I woke up. My partner was up much before that of course. He relished the breakfast I missed.
The flight attendant handed us the good bye gifts as we were about to land. (Delft blue miniature houses filled with Gin) ❤️
Spoiled Forever!
At Amsterdam airport, we were the first one’s to leave our flight. We had our own (business class) immigration queue so we quickly left the crowd behind. Never before was this process so smooth. Our luggage arrived quickly too (another accompanying benefit). 😎
I sat on the bench with my eyes fixed, wondering if I could ever travel in economy again. Was I a spoiled brat?! How could I convince my rational self to buy economy tickets, the next time?
If only, we could all afford the luxury that we’ve gotten used to! Wouldn’t the world be a much better place then?
A series of unplanned events occupied me for a while and writing became a mental block. I reckon drafting at least three posts during this time, unable to publish any. 😳
So, when the thought of writing a monthly letter crossed my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking. It almost seems natural to explain the unexplained blogging break and whatever the heck has been ongoing. In a way, it sums up what’s really on my mind! (also my blog title)
Unboxing the events of past few weeks
To begin with, I lost my wisdom. Tooth, I mean! It took a dentist thirty minutes to pull off that deep rooted wisdom. I was hooked onto anesthesia of course so I didn’t realize a thing. It all showed up the next day when my cheek was swollen to the size of pumpkin. I couldn’t leave my home for one whole week. 😡
In parallel, we had a family situation. My dad was sick. It seemed like a flu and we presumed it was Covid. We thought it would go away but then it didn’t. In fact, it turned out to be an entirely other thing. A typical tropical disease – Dengue If you don’t know what that is, Google it. When it causes your white blood cells to drop dangerously low, you need to be monitored, to be hospitalized temporarily.
Finding a bed in a hospital is a task on its own. They don’t admit you without a Covid negative report. Moreover, they are strained on capacity these days. It felt like you are more likely to die of a curable disease than of Covid 19.
P.S – Fortunately, it all ended well for us, in this case. This happened in India. I’ve spent quite some time here, this year. (hail remote work!)
Travel in times of Covid
After burying the troubles of past weeks, I took some time off to recharge my batteries. We planned a three days trip to the sunny beaches of Goa (on the western coast of India). 😀
Travelling was a strange experience. To start with airports were sanitized continually. Masks were mandatory and alternate seating was marked for social distancing. It seemed quite hygienic, safe. At the flying terminal, we were even handed plastic shields, to wear on flight. (that was a bit too much, I think. Suffocating passengers to death!).
It was lovely to see Goa opening up to tourists, the day we reached. The beaches were open, the shacks were open and clubs were open too (with some restrictions). The rare advantage we had during this visit was that people were still skeptical of travelling. That meant less tourists and cleaner beaches. I’ve never witnessed the sea so blue and its bed so clear before. We saw endless stretches of deep blue water. It felt like we’ve reached the end of earth. Serene and peaceful.
P.S – Lucky to be back home and not sick. We must have had the antibodies already to survive the swimming pool at our resort, I think. 😛
What am I currently reading?
Luckily, I’ve picked up on my reading schedule already. I recently bought the kindle edition of “The Emperor of All maladies” – by Siddhartha Mukherjee. This is a book about Cancer. (actually the biography of Cancer). I’ve read the other book “The Gene” from this author, last year, which was also interesting. A bit too lengthy to finish though.
The Emperor of All Maladies, on other hand, is simply fascinating. It walks you through the history (in a gripping way) of when and how we discovered the disease, its various manifestations and the scientific progression to find a cure. (if that is even possible!) You may think that a book on disease is mundane & depressing but this one turns it around – by actually personifying the Disease . (so much so that you almost feel at war with it).
I’m waiting to finish this one soon so I can post a review. (a detailed version perhaps!).
Anything on Netflix?
I’m rarely hooked onto shows these days. (or TV for that matter). I find it very hard to fit that in my routine. But I was pleasantly surprised when that changed as I watched Queen’s Gambit. Loved the story and its direction (story of a chess child prodigy). Did you watch it too?
November Quote
Well, someone quoted this to me in a conversation last week and I recognized it from the song by Kelly Clarkson .
“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”
I did not know of it’s true origin then.
It actually comes from an aphorism of the 19th century German philosopher – Friedrich Nietzsche.
Wondering if they’ll make songs out of Aristotle’s work too . 🙄 Music has changed.
