My first visit to dentist came in when I was eight year old. My fellas took me for a routine checkup that ended up revealing four cavities. I was disappointed & scared to an extent that I had nightmares for the next few weeks. Fortunately, my fellas had faith over my god sent teeth & serious doubts over that local dentist. They spared me the dental procedure and I was relieved. Two decades later, my teeth are still intact. (at least those four ). That first dental visit certainly didn’t make a good impression! 🙄
Over the next few years, my biggest worry of visiting a dentist became the fear of uncovering new problems. This one time, I visited a dentist coz of pain in a wisdom tooth. I was worried about one wisdom tooth when I arrived at his office but by the time I left, I was worried about all four. Apparently, they were all doomed to fail. He suggested having them all removed. 😬 Overwhelmed with his opinion, I couldn’t even deal with the problem at hand. I ended up postponing the procedure for a decade. Since then I’ve learned – worst are the dentists that amplify your problems.
Postponing is not a solution. Last year, one of my wisdom tooth finally gave up. I couldn’t chew without pain, so I chewed from the other side. (For almost a month). The timing couldn’t have been more tragic. Fear of pandemic was lurking around. Most dental clinics were closed. As the pain worsened, my fellas dragged me to see a dentist next door. (Fortunately open!)
So, Here I was, sitting in his clinic, leaned back on an operating chair, thinking about my past dental experiences. Dodging the ball away, was hardly a possibility this time. 😟
And then, he removed my first wisdom tooth Sensing my fear, my dentist assured me of a painless procedure. That of course involved anesthesia and pain medications. It took him thirty minutes. I felt a prick in my mouth from the anesthesia shot. After that I felt NOTHING. Not even when he used his full body force against my jaw to remove my wisdom tooth. Not even when he cut my jawbone to loosen the grip of tooth. It was a painless procedure (as he claimed).
Until next day.. When I woke up, my face was like a pumpkin. My cheek was swollen to thrice its size. I was hooked onto painkillers, without which, the pain would have been unbearable. I spent the whole day inside my house, afraid to go outside with my swollen face. That lasted for a week. I didn’t go outdoors and ate baby soft food. I learned that then, most dentists are good salesmen. (And nothing ever is painless)
It has been a while now since my last visit to dentist. The prophecy of my other three wisdom teeth still awaits. While the clock is ticking and I’m writing this piece, I wonder if I can ever stop dreading the dentists.
Hola, This monthly letter comes out a bit later than usual. I’m happy though that it isn’t the end of January yet or I would have to skip December altogether! 😬 If I weren’t a potato glued to the couch ,watching television, I might have finished writing this piece a lot sooner. Holidays have made me lazy. (or is it winter?) Anyhow, New year ain’t about regrets. It is about new resolutions. So, I’ll conquer my drafts very soon.
If you are wondering how was my December. Here’s a quick recap.
Returning home
December unfolded my plan to return to the Netherlands (after spending close to eight months in India). It really took me that long to recover from a sports injury! 😌 After eight months, I was super excited to be back home. Netherlands felt like a new country all over again.
However, within two days of my arrival to the Netherlands, a nation wide lock down was announced (owing to surging corona cases). All non essentials shops and restaurants were barred from operation. An advisory against foreign travel was issued. Borders were closed for tourism. My timing couldn’t have been more depressing.
Celebrating Christmas
I’ve not spent Christmas at home for last five years. It used to be a perfect time for vacation, explore new countries, celebrate, watch fireworks with herds of people on the street. Needless to say, that changed this year. We stayed back home for Christmas.
That brought upon a new struggle. You see, we’ve never bought a “real” Christmas tree before. So, I was struggling with just the basics – Where do I find a tree? (in lock down). Should we buy a tree that is twice my size? Would we need a tree stand? How much is too much for decorations ? (pricewise) What do we do with that tree afterwards? Who is gonna carry it? Where are we gonna dispose it? On the streets?
While I was spinning this bundle of worries, trees were running out of stock. Most Keerstwinkel( Christmas shops) were closed due lock down. A week before Christmas, the fear of missing out pushed me to order a large tree. It was home delivered, just on time (grateful, we didn’t have to carry it ourselves). We finally had our first real tree for Christmas. 🤩 I was quick to order decorations too. To my surprise, they costed twice the price of tree. Christmas was a costly affair!
Time to open Presents!
On the day of Christmas, I became my own Santa. I gifted myself an iPhone 12. 😀 Quite an upgrade to my previous phone – Iphone 7, that was once washed with Laundry and had audio issues ever since. (Strangely, it survived a full wash cycle so I was stuck with it for two years.) I am delighted with my new iPhone now. It has perfect bright display. The camera makes you look better and I’m still marveling at its audio quality.
I’ve finally finished this book
Last month, I also finished the book that I’ve been reading for over a month – the biography of cancer – Emperor of all Maladies. I was always intrigued by Cancer, its silent and deadly nature. This book personifies cancer. It talks about history, the origin of cancer, how we came to understand its patterns, how we discovered chemotherapy and other remedies. Is that really a remedy? Can we cure Cancer? These were some interesting questions, the author tries to answer in this book. You don’t need to have an inclination towards biology to understand it. The author breaks down this information in layman style. chronologically, explaining the gravity of this disease. It was one voluminous read, but I’m glad I’ve finished it. Definitely recommend it. My Goodreads rating (4.5/5)
Currently reading
My current read is titled “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. I found this on my kindle suggestions and really liked its gist. It basically draws on things that get in the way of wholehearted living. The author has been a researcher of shame, fear and vulnerability for decades. She uses her research to illustrate how our shame (of imperfection) holds us back in life. How this affects love and belongingness.
What I liked about her writing style is that she does not drag on with examples from her research but rather uses her personal stories & struggles to explain the fundamentals of her research. I’ll rate this book in my next monthly letter, when I’d be finished with it. (definitely)
Discovering Dutch movies
In the holiday week of Christmas, I ran a movie marathon (this time also including some Dutch titles). I was pleasantly surprised to discover my language skills. (I understood most of them without English subtitles) 🙃 I loved weg van jouw (comedy). It was a story of young, ambitious women who was relocated for work to a rural hamlet instead of an exotic country. The rural hamlet is Zeeland. (the southern province of the Netherlands). Not sure if that’s how they think of Zeeland really? Alles voor elkaar was another movie about four girl pals turning 30 realizing they missed out a lot in life. So they decide to pursue their wildest dreams. It was light and fun. Huisvrouwen bestaan niet was also on my list. It literally translates to no such thing as house wife. It was a story of two sisters and mother trying to find balance between private and professional life. I really enjoyed watching it.
Apart from these, I watched dozen other trending series on Netflix. (& classics of 90’s). Explains the break in my blogging schedule. It’s either Netflix or blogging, I suppose. I wonder how we can do both?!🙄
Flying business class has been on my wish list since quite some time. Every time we flew international, the long wait hours, airport queues, packed and uncomfortable seating with accompanying jet lag harrowed our travel experience. 😠 I fantasized about business class every time we flew but succumbed to the rationality offered by Economy. 🙄
That changed this year when a sports injury left me in recovery for months.
I had a stiff leg. 🦵 I couldn’t imagine squeezing it in jampacked seats (unable to stretch my leg for hours). It was a need to fly business class. A need that justified the humungous costs! (One at a price of three) My partner gave in too, to accompany me. 😬
So here we were, buying business class tickets for the first time. 😛
P.S – Remind me to cut our expenses the next six months.
The travel day
Our travel date arrived soon and I found myself packing in the whole universe. (Our baggage allowance was doubled) 😛
Once we reached airport, we were offered free lounge access pass after checking in.
We had four hours at our hands to kill before our flight to the Netherlands.
What a wait!
When we arrived at the lounge, I was captivated by its view. It seemed a large relaxation zone that had a central restaurant with comfortable sofa seating around it. I remember hip hopping multiple couches before landing on the perfect cushion. 😎
Food and drinks were free, the spread slightly reduced due Covid 19 😏.
Nevertheless, we had a fantastic time trying out every item they had on their menu , gulping down free beer and waking up with hot espresso.
Four hours flew by in the blink of an eye!
I’m so Excited!
As the announcements for our flight began, we gathered near the gate to join the business class queue. (the shortest queue, I’ve ever seen). Within few minutes, we boarded the aircraft.
One glimpse at our seats revealed why we had to pay the price for three. (they were spaced out to occupy three of the economy).
I could stretch my legs to full length without even touching the seat ahead of me. They had controls installed to makeshift a bed out of that seat. We even had our own cabin space. (our personal cabin storage). I squeezed in a giant hand bag and my jackets with ease.
I was excited. We were about to fly business class, first time.
Bring it on!
The Experience started as soon as we onboarded the flight. They served a welcome drink just before the take off. We were given travel kits that had a cozy pair of socks and other handy stuff for the flight duration.
After take off, things kept coming in. 😎 Three course meal menus were designed by Michelin star Chefs that promised a restaurant class service. I was delighted to see some real cutlery. My appetite was a surprise (even for me) as I readily stuffed in another meal just an hour after my previous one.
My partner didn’t forget to order cocktails and soon we were both were engrossed in eating and drinking. (again)
Wake me up when December ends
After the food mania, it was time to go to bed. (since we had one!). So, here I was, stretching full size, sleeping with a blanket and pillow (like a baby).
My partner (who rarely sleeps on flights), tuned in to the large TV screen hooked in front of him. A nice collection of movies and music kept him engaged for some hours until he fell asleep (just like me!)
It was the best ever sleep I had on a flight & I wasn’t planning to wake up soon. 😴I even turned away a Michelin star breakfast in my sleep.
Just few minutes before landing, I woke up. My partner was up much before that of course. He relished the breakfast I missed.
The flight attendant handed us the good bye gifts as we were about to land. (Delft blue miniature houses filled with Gin) ❤️
Spoiled Forever!
At Amsterdam airport, we were the first one’s to leave our flight. We had our own (business class) immigration queue so we quickly left the crowd behind. Never before was this process so smooth. Our luggage arrived quickly too (another accompanying benefit). 😎
I sat on the bench with my eyes fixed, wondering if I could ever travel in economy again. Was I a spoiled brat?! How could I convince my rational self to buy economy tickets, the next time?
If only, we could all afford the luxury that we’ve gotten used to! Wouldn’t the world be a much better place then?
A series of unplanned events occupied me for a while and writing became a mental block. I reckon drafting at least three posts during this time, unable to publish any. 😳
So, when the thought of writing a monthly letter crossed my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking. It almost seems natural to explain the unexplained blogging break and whatever the heck has been ongoing. In a way, it sums up what’s really on my mind! (also my blog title)
Unboxing the events of past few weeks
To begin with, I lost my wisdom. Tooth, I mean! It took a dentist thirty minutes to pull off that deep rooted wisdom. I was hooked onto anesthesia of course so I didn’t realize a thing. It all showed up the next day when my cheek was swollen to the size of pumpkin. I couldn’t leave my home for one whole week. 😡
In parallel, we had a family situation. My dad was sick. It seemed like a flu and we presumed it was Covid. We thought it would go away but then it didn’t. In fact, it turned out to be an entirely other thing. A typical tropical disease – Dengue If you don’t know what that is, Google it. When it causes your white blood cells to drop dangerously low, you need to be monitored, to be hospitalized temporarily.
Finding a bed in a hospital is a task on its own. They don’t admit you without a Covid negative report. Moreover, they are strained on capacity these days. It felt like you are more likely to die of a curable disease than of Covid 19.
P.S – Fortunately, it all ended well for us, in this case. This happened in India. I’ve spent quite some time here, this year. (hail remote work!)
Travel in times of Covid
After burying the troubles of past weeks, I took some time off to recharge my batteries. We planned a three days trip to the sunny beaches of Goa (on the western coast of India). 😀
Travelling was a strange experience. To start with airports were sanitized continually. Masks were mandatory and alternate seating was marked for social distancing. It seemed quite hygienic, safe. At the flying terminal, we were even handed plastic shields, to wear on flight. (that was a bit too much, I think. Suffocating passengers to death!).
It was lovely to see Goa opening up to tourists, the day we reached. The beaches were open, the shacks were open and clubs were open too (with some restrictions). The rare advantage we had during this visit was that people were still skeptical of travelling. That meant less tourists and cleaner beaches. I’ve never witnessed the sea so blue and its bed so clear before. We saw endless stretches of deep blue water. It felt like we’ve reached the end of earth. Serene and peaceful.
P.S – Lucky to be back home and not sick. We must have had the antibodies already to survive the swimming pool at our resort, I think. 😛
What am I currently reading?
Luckily, I’ve picked up on my reading schedule already. I recently bought the kindle edition of “The Emperor of All maladies” – by Siddhartha Mukherjee. This is a book about Cancer. (actually the biography of Cancer). I’ve read the other book “The Gene” from this author, last year, which was also interesting. A bit too lengthy to finish though.
The Emperor of All Maladies, on other hand, is simply fascinating. It walks you through the history (in a gripping way) of when and how we discovered the disease, its various manifestations and the scientific progression to find a cure. (if that is even possible!) You may think that a book on disease is mundane & depressing but this one turns it around – by actually personifying the Disease . (so much so that you almost feel at war with it).
I’m waiting to finish this one soon so I can post a review. (a detailed version perhaps!).
Anything on Netflix?
I’m rarely hooked onto shows these days. (or TV for that matter). I find it very hard to fit that in my routine. But I was pleasantly surprised when that changed as I watched Queen’s Gambit. Loved the story and its direction (story of a chess child prodigy). Did you watch it too?
November Quote
Well, someone quoted this to me in a conversation last week and I recognized it from the song by Kelly Clarkson .
“What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”
I did not know of it’s true origin then.
It actually comes from an aphorism of the 19th century German philosopher – Friedrich Nietzsche.
Wondering if they’ll make songs out of Aristotle’s work too . 🙄 Music has changed.
If you’ve ever witnessed an Indian wobbling his head, You’ve probably wondered “was that a yes or was that a no“?OR Perhaps you thought there’s something wrong with that neck while he viscously nodded to your speech?
I’ve been wobbling my head since almost three decades now without realizing that it wasn’t a norm elsewhere. So, when in the Netherlands someone asked me, if that nod meant a yes or a no, I was stumped. (by his naivety). That he did not know what it meant came in as a sheer surprise.
Of course, that didn’t stop me from wobbling my head I decided to publish these guidelines instead! 😎
How to Interpret the Indian head wobble?
1. Was that a YES?
[farewell story] Someone : Would you like a beer? Me: (nods up and down) Someone: Brings beer. Not for me. (Didn’t register a Yes.) 😒
A simple nod (up and down) means an obvious yes. It’s a pity, some don’t reckon this simple gesture yet. That made me reconsider a voice-over with this wobble. [Destroys the whole purpose of wobbling my head] 😠
2. Was that a NO?
[say cheese!] I hate blue cheese. You’re lucky that I tried it even once. (I grew up on processed cheese.) It smelled so foul that I had to gulp down the whole piece. 🤢 That was tough. But then you asked “if I want more ?” I nodded my head (in sheer disgust). I thought that was clear – an obvious NO But there you were, pouring some more!
If it weren’t you, I wouldn’t have given up french cheese!
You : Shall we order a cheese plate? Me : (nods left and right)
3. What’s with that constant nod?
I’ve got to speak even as you speak. (be it with my wobbling head) That’s mere telepathy to convey if I agree or disagree. ( of course, that assumes my opinion is important) 😎
Boss: This year hasn’t been good for the company. We can’t offer promotions. Me : (Nodding head left and right) Boss : In fact we’re thinking of cutting down salaries. We’re looking for volunteers. Me : (still nodding)
Boss: You! Thank you for volunteering Me : WTF! [I just disagreed]
The next time I sit in those board room meetings, I’ll bring some sign boards along with me.
4. Did you just greet?
They’ve got a population of more than a billion in India. You’ve got no time to greet everybody, That’s why they invented a wobble to greet.
[at Coffee machine] Indian colleague : [smiles and nods] Me: [smiles and nods} Another Indian comes : [nods at both of us] Me : [nods] End of conversation!
Are there more expressions?
Head wobbling is a language on its own. They’re a dozen other expressions to convey your message. I suggest you scroll through YouTube once.
Although the ones I describe here, cover eighty percent of the wobbling business.
Why do they wobble?
Good question. I’ve got a theory for this. (since there is no exact answer)
A lot of communication in India is non verbal. Facial expressions, hand gestures, tone of your voice and the head wobble. They’re all used to emphasize your view, to be influential (amidst crowd and chaos).
The head wobble comes in very handy when talking to strangers, who don’t speak your language or while talking to acquaintances, who would not listen. Wobbling as you speak means double emphasis. You certainly get the attention.
Afternote: Seventy percent of human communication is actually non verbal. So, I wonder if there’s something wrong with the head wobble! Perhaps, if it you don’t wobble, you might as well be doing something else! 🙄
There is a fine line between being nice and being a people pleaser. Do you realize when you’ve leaped your boundaries to make someone happy? Do you know, when to say “NO”? Can you stand for your beliefs and values? Do you actually have some? OR Do you adjust them often to suit the situation?
Whether or not you are a people pleaser, you might find some of the below traits familiar. (for there is no such thing as an “overly nice person“) 😎
1. Never say NO!
Have you been in a situation before where you were left hanging on crossroads? Did they not share their thoughts straight and clear? For some people, saying “NO” can be impossible. People pleasers aren’t really decisive which is why they procrastinate their true feelings and roll with the situation. They’d rather be in denial than confront their fears and bear the repercussions.
Perhaps it’s time to let go and make a call yourself? 🙄
2. Lie to play good
For someone indulged in people pleasing, lying can come as a natural skill. They would rather lie than offend. So they shower compliments every time you seek their opinion. They aren’t of course blindfolded to see those obvious flaws. They just feel morally obliged to make everyone happy. It is what they do to feed their sense of self worth. (by taking responsibility to make you happy)
3. Never Confront
Confrontation is not an option for them. They are worse at handling conflicts. Which is why they are agreeable and overly adjusting. If you notice a person who would crib but not confront, who would slog but not manage expectations, you’re likely witnessing a people pleaser.
Should you be worried to work alongside? I’d say Definitely.They are setting unsustainable benchmarks. 😳
Why they do what they do – Deep rooted need of validation
Acceptance and approval for a people pleaser does not come independently. They seek this validation externally. (that’s what we do as a child)
Typically, when we submit ourselves to parental desires, we seek their validation unknowingly. Love follows compliance, which makes us agreeable instinctively.
If you couldn’t deviate from those parental preferences for the fear of abandonment or disappointment, you are most likely to associate those fears in all other relationships.
It is this deep rooted need for acceptance that makes someone morally obliged to keep others happy and avoid conflicts.
Why they do what they do – Culture promotes it
Culture has a profound impact on how you perceive yourself in a society. Its values are reflected in your day to day experiences. If everyone around you believes in those shared values, you are highly unlikely to challenge them.
Would you rather stand alone and hold onto your beliefs OR would you slowly adapt to be able to belong?
In that bid to belong somewhere, one might as well forget their own likings and values. That might be why they resort to people pleasing.
In the End
People pleasing is toxic. It is extremely draining (both mentally & physically ) as it takes time and energy to make someone consistently happy. This of course comes at the expense of your own needs. What makes it worse is when you aren’t aware of them actually.
If you were to know what you stand for, would you then still be happy? Would you dare to prioritize yourself (& your needs) above others? Would you then accept yourself when they think of you as ” not so nice”?
I realize, I’ve been reading but haven’t been writing about the books I’ve read so far. That does no good, considering the short term memory I have. 🙄 So last weekend, I spent some time reminiscing my kindle collection.
I’ve read twenty eight books since last year and I might as well write about them all at some point but this post is dedicated to my top five reads since 2019. They had a deep impact on me. (& my perspective). I highly recommend these, if you haven’t read them already.
1. One flew over the cuckoo’s nest
Category – Fiction
Mental Institution has always been a stranded Island and one can’t imagine what goes on with the lives of patients in there. This book offers a whole new window to that world. It is actually setup in a psychiatric hospital, narrated by a patient in there.
It details very well, the mundane routine of patients, how they become used to the bureaucratic hospital regime and why they accept their fate in this mental asylum. Will they ever get better? Will they be a part of normal society again? You will doubt the answers to above throughout this read. The plot of this book takes an interesting turn when a new admit enters this psychiatric center and challenges the rules and authority.
This book is marked in fiction category but the characters drawn out in this book seem so real that I found it largely alluding to real life situations.
Overall rating – 4.5/5 (not 5 b’coz I found a small part of this book, a bit flimsy) Note: There is a also a movie on this book from 1975.
2. Midnight in Chernobyl
Category – Non Fiction
Just about the time, I was reading this book, they launched an HBO series showcasing this nuclear disaster at Chernobyl. It was a five episode series and although they captured the central plot impressively, they didn’t do enough justice to “the making of Chernobyl”.
Years before the actual nuclear explosion happened (26 April, 1986), the inadequacies of this nuclear plant made it vulnerable to fail. It managed to bypass all security standards. The Soviet government was aware of this and at the same time very competitive. The aftermath of this crisis was equally disastrous. (largely due to the fact the Soviet govt hid the disaster from its own people and the world). This severely affected the reputation of Soviet Union. This book uncovers the whole story, detailing all events that went into the making of world’s worst nuclear disaster. (till this date) Not to forget the character build up in this book, which is so strong that I found myself boiling in anger in many scenes.
Today, Chernobyl is open to tourists. They built a giant dome covering this radiation site. The Ukrainian government is trying to capitalize on this abandoned site, citing that it is completely safe. I would like to go (visit), but I doubt if it really is safe. Could it be a propaganda to promote revenue?
Overall rating – 5/5
3. Educated
Category : Non Fiction
I’ve read this book somewhere in Dec 2019 but I can still reckon clearly, the struggles of Tara Westover (the author of this book). I found this book remarkable coz the experiences that Tara shares in this book are very personal and extraordinary.
Tara was not registered at her birth. She didn’t exist in any government records up until she was nine. Her family (including her parents and six siblings) was mormonic and extremely rigid. They boycotted all public amenities (including doctors, hospitals and even schools). Tara was loosely home schooled.
In spite of this large disconnect, Tara held on to the conviction of existence of a world outside this bubble. She understood the value of education. She tried by all her means to be educated. This book is a beautiful story of Tara’s journey from her life in isolation to life in real society.
She ended up pursuing an MBA in the University of Cambridge. She now lives a life away from her family.
Overall rating – 5/5
4. Maybe you should talk to someone
Category – Non Fiction
To be honest, I picked this book to understand a therapist’s perspective on his or her patients. I’ve always been intrigued about what really happens in a therapy session. I have not been to any. (not that I want to ). But this book, just gives enough insights. It is actually a therapist’s account of her patients (disguised) as she details her sessions with those patients. She is candid in expressing her view about the situation and how she relates those to her own life.
What is interesting to see is that the author (therapist herself) consults another therapist to tackle the problems of her own life. The vulnerability with which she shares her own experience with this other therapist helps you visualize therapy in general, as a third person.
I loved this book as it was a perfect bedtime read. I finished this very quick. By the way, for those who do not know – American TV show “In treatment” is another popular fictionalized account of therapy sessions.
Overall rating – 4/5
5. Sapiens
Category – Non Fiction
There never has been a simplistic view of Human history described before Sapiens. Now, I am not a fan of reading history (I find it hard to remember chronology), so I didn’t pick this one for six months.(even though I had a hard copy). But I have to admit, I was glued to this after I read its first few pages.
Sapiens is the kind of book that will help you understand why we are, the way we are. It feels like history demonstrated by someone who understands psychology. It explores the basics like why we (the homo sapiens) survived while all our ancestors became extinct? How agriculture changed our lives? How industrial and scientific revolution shaped our complex society? What challenges lay ahead of us? (and other interesting questions)
I liked this book as it helped me understand the present and what lies ahead of us, while reading the history.
.Overall rating : 4/5
Appendix :
Full list of books I read since 2019
Predictably Irrational – Dan Ariely
How to win friends and Influence people- Dale Carnegie
I can’t make this up life lessons – Kevin Hart
One flew over the cuckoo’s nest – Ken Kesey
Educated – Tara Westover
Resilience – Eric Greiten
The Gene – Siddhartha Mukherjee
Me talk pretty one day – David Sedaris
Dreams from my father – Barack Obama
Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand
The four agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz
Brexit – Ian Dunt
Switch – Chip and Dan Heath
Maybe you should talk to someone – Lori Gottlieb
A river in darkness – Masaji Ishikawa
Hyperbole and a half – Allie brosh
Humans – Tom Phillips
Man’s search for meaning – Viktor E Frankl
Boundaries – Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend
Becoming – Michelle Obama
Sapiens – A brief history of humankind – Yuval Noah Harari
Don’t sweat the small stuff – Richard Carlson
Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom
The Peter Principle – Laurence J. Peter & Raymond Hull
Midnight in Chernobyl – Adam Higginbotham
Thinking, person’s guide to Autism – Shannon des Roches Rosa (and others)
I had a crazy dream last night. I was delayed to the school assembly. I was running to the entrance gate but they shut it on my face. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go but wait for an eternity, till it finally got over.
That episode reminded me of this whole affair – “the morning assembly” & the hilarity of events that followed with it (side effects).
Chapter 1 : The Assembly line – It was meant to measure your worth (height) everyday
If I think of it now, I might have not discovered that I was short, had it not been the school assembly. That tradition of ordering the queue by your relative height made me envious of other fellas. I was glad, I was not the shortest. But, I was disappointed when someone ahead of me, grew an inch taller to take away “my original spot”. 😥 That assembly line was a fierce competition, to stay behind, as farthest as possible from the dais and the teachers. (You didn’t want ’em to notice you, in case you were bored to death.)
Chapter 2 : It challenged you to stay awake.
Assembly was the first thing in the morning , a mix of prayers with some over practiced speeches (mostly by children). It lasted for one full hour and sucked away that day start energy. Needless to say, everyone was yawning, constantly. Which is why, they decided to turn it into a full fledged TV. Dance choreography was introduced along with the prayer songs. That meant we had to jump and sway to match the lyrics. (as we sang) 😳 It was a damn pretty sight to see from a distance except that it disturbed our sleeping momentum 😡
Chapter 3 : Some even fainted!
In summers, the temperature soared easily from 35 to 40 degree Celsius. We were all used to the heat of course (being from an equatorial country) but that didn’t mean we championed an hour long survival. It was not unusual to witness someone fainting in the middle of the assembly. That didn’t halt the assembly. We watched, while they carried the casualty inside the building. We danced to the prayers while a few more weaklings fainted. That taught us a key lesson – Survival of the fittest 😛
Chapter 4: An exception was your birthday
Birthdays meant special attention in morning assembly. For starters, you were allowed to wear casuals on that special day. So you could dress like a celebrity & grab some eye balls. To top this up, you didn’t have to join the queue. You were promoted straight to the podium. So, while everybody sang the birthday song, you could just relax & watch ’em from a distance. 😎 Those crazy fellas even choreographed the birthday song.
Chapter 5 : And then it was abruptly dismissed
Believe it or not, that morning assembly was a deadly place! (especially for those who played the band). That one time, there was this guy playing drums alongside the pianist. We were all singing the prayer in chorus when we heard a sudden “thud”. A glass pane fell from the top floor and landed straight onto his head. The glass shattered into pieces and this guy dropped unconscious, drenched in his blood. The drumming stopped and so did the morning assembly (suddenly dismissed)
That shit happened twice. So they barred the patch of the ground below windows. (forever!). Turns out, some kids (while playing) scraped off the clay from windows. That (clay) was meant to hold the glass together. Of course they didn’t know it then and hell broke loose in the morning assembly.
Insanely true!
All the things that went on in that school assembly, makes me chuckle even today. No wonder why I can still recall it in my dreams!
I’d always been a chubby kid. I don’t reckon a skinny version of myself. (except for maybe a short span in my twenties, when I stayed in a dorm. Food was plenty but inedible). I don’t recollect ever being tensed about gaining a few pounds here or there. I was rather carefree, adjusting my wardrobe instead. 😛 That went perfectly fine as long as I stayed in India. ( they ain’t all perfectly carved out models there!). Moving to Netherlands however, changed my perspective. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fitness freaks! 😳
Surprise.. Surprise!
It all started with those evening walks outside my home. That’s when the first signs of frustration started brewing in. I walked like a sightseeing tourist, while men & women surpassed me, running ahead in shorts & sneakers.Then there were those on cycles, wearing suits and ties, commuting miles to and fro for work. To top this up, people played heavy duty sports after a long day at work, flaunting their “celebrity” like bodies, while I sat there, questioning my life time choices. 🙄
I was an oddity. (The chubby one) and I didn’t even know how much of it was an “extra me”. So, I decided to tread on the path of self discovery. Mustering little courage I had, I jumped onto the weighting machine.
Not all surprises are good. This was deeply disturbing. I had gained quite a few pounds here and there, surpassing my “acceptable” limit. 😥
Time for new resolutions
The problem solver in me was awake that night. I couldn’t dwell into getting depressed for long. So, I came up with a personal goal list and stuck it on the wall across my hall. It was concise and clear. (just like my conscience 😎 ).
I saw it every morning before leaving the house. I saw it every evening before going to the bed. That constant reinforcement made me believe I was on top of solving this issue for once and for all. It was under “my” control.
The First timers complex
Soon, I decided to join a gym. I’ve been to a gym before but my definition of workout did not go beyond a few cardio exercises. So when the trainer asked me to try those gazillion other equipment, I was stumped. 😯 I had no clue of how any of it worked.
I fiddled with the weights clumsily, while the trainer felt nervous about me breaking the instruments. 😆 He stayed calm (on the outside) and patiently demoed the basics to me. I felt embarrassed around all those professionals.
It took me a week to tame my anxious self.
Thank God it’s Sunday
Soon, the weekend arrived. I wasn’t particularly pleased with my tough regime of diet and exercise. It sucked my energy. (& my soul). So, I planned a dinner with my spouse to a fancy restaurant, thinking it might as well help me relax.
My spouse ordered beer and some more beer while I tried to fit in my new role as a “fitness freak”. My salad arrived with some sparkling water and I chewed like a cow, realizing this evening couldn’t have been duller indeed. 🙄
Darkness is the evil
We came back home with a full stomach but I had trouble falling asleep. 🙁 I couldn’t help but think about the delicious cuisines, I might have eaten instead. My craving grew as the hours passed and all my will power finally gave in.
For the sake of sleep and the work next day, I decided to eat a “little” something.
I strolled through the kitchen and took a good long look at all our collectibles. I handpicked a few of my favourites, just to start with.
Definitely not in “my” control
My guilt turned off as I switched on TV. And as I ate, I felt more hungry. Turns out, that night, I ate for the whole week.
The Aftermath
I woke up next morning feeling ashamed. I saw my goal list and felt so guilty.
Clearly something had to change, either me or the goal list.
There never has been enough clarity on why marriages are a big buzz in India and the latest addition on Netflix portraying “arranged marriages” adds more to this confusion. I hated the show (although I was glued to it over last weekend, watching all its juicy episodes). So, writing this post now, feels more like redemption! 😎
To start with, there are three kinds of marriages (in India)
1Love Marriage This is a no brainer. You choose a companion, whom you think you can bear for the rest of your life. You decide to marry. Family succumbs. They pay for your grand ceremony. Hola! you get married! OR (sometimes) Family disagrees. Then, you chuck family. Marry in court. Hola! you get married.
Note : Family is an unavoidable institution in the event of marriage. (notably, parents)
2. Love but arranged marriage: This is a slightly complex version as the family has a “say” in this whole affair. (they’ve tamed you enough, so you keep them in loop). You find a partner, whom you think you love. You decide to get married. But then comes the “real” decision. Your family opts to exercise their veto, denying your choice of companion.
You beg so they succumb. and you get married. (don’t get me wrong, but this is a highway to expectations. You are better off without it 😎 ).
OR
You may as well accept the overruling (resolving to make their lives miserable 😈 ). You raise the bar of your expectations and make them the owner of your marriage conundrum. 😛 This basically moves the whole affair to the third category of marriages.
Note :If no one interferes with your marriage decision, perhaps you should be skeptical. Either they trust you (on surface!) or they are dodging you away (& your future responsibility).
3. Arranged marriage– If you’ve failed the above two options, then this becomes your default choice. Arranged marriages are the “Indian version of Tinder” The difference being, not only you but your whole family is scrolling through the profiles of your prospect companion.) Since, you’ve given up on finding love, the responsibility is now delegated. 😛 . Your parents jump into action, putting their best brains into ” Mission marriage.”
Expectations from prospect partner get exponentially multiplied. The distant future is evaluated with an obsession of being practical. Education, Salary, Prospect of kids, Genes, Hereditary diseases, adaptability index and whatever the heck are your preferences, become critical. Years pass and you find no one.
Slowly, you start crossing off items from your holy list of expectations. (until you become desperate enough to get rid of this whole affair). Just then, you find that perfect someone. You feel grateful to eternity and fall in love.(after marriage!)
Questions?
Now that you know about the kinds of marriages in India, you might as well have some follow up questions. (Shoot em! Errr….don’t watch those Television shows. They are made to entertain , not to educate! ). You might as well refer to below FAQ (I had ample time this weekend to put them together 😛 ). I hope they nip the curiosity in bud!. 😎
FAQ
Why is marriage so important in India?
It is more than just an event in your life. It is a way of living. A permanent companionship in the form of marriage is deemed critical for a happy life.
So, what if you don’t marry?
You are basically unhappy. (or at least they think you are). They won’t stop chasing you until you’ve reached far beyond that “suitable age”.
What is meant by suitable age?
Life is a timetable. (almost) and everything therefore must happen at a given time. That’s the philosophy behind this term. Considering, you have a plan for kids after marriage(& then you’d need to be fertile), an appropriate age is decided.
Well, this is misconception. Not all Indian weddings are grand. (although, a massive chunk of savings are put into it). The guest list can vary anywhere from 100 to 1000 (or perhaps more.). It really depends on how much the parents are willing to spend and how much of social status (or association) comes from the marriage. Another reason for marriages being magnificent is coz those who marry rarely spend. Ask them to sponsor their own wedding and see how the whole event downsizes!
Do they have good food in the wedding?
Food is the next piece of attraction (after bride and groom). Although, not all weddings have great food. It really depends on the budget of the wedding, the catering company and their performance on the day of wedding! (which can largely vary depending on the guest count). So, if you’re travelling solely to indulge in food, I suggest you plan an alternative itinerary.
Why are the families so involved?
What else do you expect? Those who spend have a say. You don’t go to a restaurant to just pay the bill. (You choose what you like). So, families get involved. (in some way or the other, irrespective of the kind of marriage). Another reason is the institution of family itself, which is deemed sacred right from the childhood.
Are there astrologers involved?
Depends. (yes, if either of the family is a strong believer). But usually it is a must for all “arranged marriages”. Even if you don’t believe in astrology, you wouldn’t like to step into something which is marked to blow off.
Is a matchmaker involved?
Rarely. We have the internet. There are umpteen matchmaking websites. (Indian versions of tinder), magazines and newspaper that offer services to hunt “desired” prospect. If you don’t trust these mediums, you spread the word around your acquaintances. They might as well set you up with someone.
Why is the divorce rate so low ?
I can think of three reasons to this. 1. Clearly, finding a partner via arranged marriage is a pain in a**. Why would you do it again? So, the best way is to not disrupt the existing. 2. Families get involved. Which means, you are not only divorcing the partner, but you are also divorcing the family. (this isn’t easy, considering the plethora of opinions involved) 3. Legal system demotes it. You can’t just file for a divorce and expect to get separated in couple of weeks. It is a lengthy procedure and takes at least a year ( or more, by when you might as well change your plan).
[If you are married to your love, I assume you live happily after. If not, points 2 and 3 still stay valid. ]
How reliable is this information?
The views (where any) expressed in this post are solely my own. (I don’t say they are any wiser than the existing others.) Let your own judgement prevail .
