How was my August (2026)

I was on Summer Vacation

Last month was weirdly the most depressing and most interesting period of my life. If I could describe the feeling, it almost felt like virtual reality. (Déjà vu).

I was on Summer Vacation.

Well to start with I was in India for a vacation with my toddler (who is now almost 3). Did I tell you I had a son? He’s a charming boy, a genius – who knows how to press all my buttons.

I imagined taking him on vacation to India with my partner so he meets his grandparents. I hoped this would give me some time off. Some time to relax.
But hell broke loose when we reached there.

For starters, he needed the level of attention I could never manage even in the Netherlands. You see, I have a sitter in the Netherlands and he enjoys playing with her so much. I’ve outsourced care at home for my sanity. Set a system that works for him and me. Chose to not put him in daycare (Those institutions are meant to break the soul of kids in my opinion. I wish more parents read the work of Gabor Mate).

Anyhow, on our vacation in India, my son wanted to play all day. I wanted to rest. All others in the house who could play with him were either working or in school. Within only two days of the vacation, I was missing our dear sitter and wished to go back to Netherlands and end that energy draining vacation.

To top my frustration, my dad got hospitalised. He thought he was having a heart attack. Turns out he had low sugar. I spent all night chatgpting his symptoms. I realised I could have as well been a doctor. ( and a very good one). Anyhow he turned out all fine so that was a relief.

On my vacation, I was excited about an office assignment that just fell on my plate. I finally felt it was my gateway to promotion. (If that was in the pipeline?!). I spent a night copiloting and chatgpting to excel the assignment. I ended up learning corporate politics and how power works. Realised I didn’t know much about the banking industry actually. (after 15 years of working). Anyhow, few hours spent in the night and I got excellent outcome ready for the assignment. I patted myself on my back that night and slept well.

The next few days I spent pondering what was I actually doing and why was I working.. what if promotion never happens in my existing setup.. who could I replace in my organisation.. why was I paid so low? . (What is the purpose of this life? Purpose should actually not exist in NLP model. Gawd! I was enlightened and very creative the rest of the period.).

Fast forward a week or so, vacation ended finally and I was back to the Netherlands and heaved a sigh of relief to be back to my normal routine. (At home and work)

Office here I come

After arriving back in the netherlands, work was on my mind.

I had an excellent case ready for promotion (or replacing someone in another position) , just climb the ladder in any god damn case.

But somehow things started turning awry. Like really really weird. I can’t even explain the next series of events I encountered. They haunted me for the rest of the month.

My laptop felt like it was hacked (malfunctioning), I was working, networking, tried medication to sleep, felt like I was on the edge of burnout but was not, I became super creative and then found out I was put on bench at work.

My manager thinks I am burned out. (Does she even know what burn out is? I have a goddamn website to explain it. Someone should make her read it).

Outcome and Personal

I am now on forced leave at work.

I am actually liking the fact that I can write and can do things I always wanted to do. Planning to set up a company for my new brand OutoftheBurn.

Personal life sucks. Separation has been on my mind. Has been on my mind for last seven years or so. (Right after my first burnout in 2018). With a kid involved now, this is super difficult. I am riding the waves, Solo!. (And venting on every forum I’ve ever known).

August Book suggestions

In August, I did read some books.
For anyone in new role or job, I would highly recommend First 90 days by Michael D. Watkins. I’ve read it halfway and found it very interesting.

For anyone exploring burnout, I would recommend the book Discover your mental strength from Michael Kortekaas. He has been training police forces in the Netherlands for almost all his career and teaches mental resilience for the profession that is most demanding.

I’m not done reading both books but I will post a review as soon as I finish them.
Below are also some books I would recommend if you are planning a career to become a CRO or CEO eventually. (These popped up from my research in August and I’ll pick them up on one of the days. )

Thinking, Fast and Slow — Daniel Kahneman

The Fifth Discipline — Peter M. Senge

The Fearless Organization — Amy C. Edmondson

Good Strategy/Bad Strategy — Richard Rumelt

Leadership Pipeline — Ram Charan, Stephen Drotter & James Noel

The Effective Executive — Peter F. Drucker

Team of Teams — Stanley McChrystal

Principles — Ray Dalio

The Culture Code — Daniel Coyle

What Else is on my mind?

I’ve been thinking of three quotes lately. They have been a lot on my mind.

One person can change the world, not by being powerful, but by making something different possible.
— Author unknown

A hallucination becomes dangerous not when we see what isn’t there, but when we stop questioning what we see.
~ Unknown Author

What you seek is seeking you.
~Rumi

Signing off. Until I see you next time. (Wake me up when September ends!)
~ Love Megha.

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