There is a fine line between being nice and being a people pleaser.
Do you realize when you’ve leaped your boundaries to make someone happy?
Do you know, when to say “NO”?
Can you stand for your beliefs and values? Do you actually have some? OR
Do you adjust them often to suit the situation?
Whether or not you are a people pleaser, you might find some of the below traits familiar. (for there is no such thing as an “overly nice person“) 😎
1. Never say NO!
Have you been in a situation before where you were left hanging on crossroads?
Did they not share their thoughts straight and clear?
For some people, saying “NO” can be impossible. People pleasers aren’t really decisive which is why they procrastinate their true feelings and roll with the situation. They’d rather be in denial than confront their fears and bear the repercussions.
Perhaps it’s time to let go and make a call yourself? 🙄
2. Lie to play good
For someone indulged in people pleasing, lying can come as a natural skill. They would rather lie than offend. So they shower compliments every time you seek their opinion.
They aren’t of course blindfolded to see those obvious flaws. They just feel morally obliged to make everyone happy.
It is what they do to feed their sense of self worth. (by taking responsibility to make you happy)
3. Never Confront
Confrontation is not an option for them.
They are worse at handling conflicts. Which is why they are agreeable and overly adjusting. If you notice a person who would crib but not confront, who would slog but not manage expectations, you’re likely witnessing a people pleaser.
Should you be worried to work alongside?
I’d say Definitely. They are setting unsustainable benchmarks. 😳
Why they do what they do – Deep rooted need of validation
Acceptance and approval for a people pleaser does not come independently. They seek this validation externally. (that’s what we do as a child)
Typically, when we submit ourselves to parental desires, we seek their validation unknowingly. Love follows compliance, which makes us agreeable instinctively.
If you couldn’t deviate from those parental preferences for the fear of abandonment or disappointment, you are most likely to associate those fears in all other relationships.
It is this deep rooted need for acceptance that makes someone morally obliged to keep others happy and avoid conflicts.
Why they do what they do – Culture promotes it
Culture has a profound impact on how you perceive yourself in a society. Its values are reflected in your day to day experiences. If everyone around you believes in those shared values, you are highly unlikely to challenge them.
Would you rather stand alone and hold onto your beliefs OR would you slowly adapt to be able to belong?
In that bid to belong somewhere, one might as well forget their own likings and values.
That might be why they resort to people pleasing.
In the End
People pleasing is toxic. It is extremely draining (both mentally & physically ) as it takes time and energy to make someone consistently happy. This of course comes at the expense of your own needs. What makes it worse is when you aren’t aware of them actually.
If you were to know what you stand for, would you then still be happy?
Would you dare to prioritize yourself (& your needs) above others?
Would you then accept yourself when they think of you as ” not so nice”?
© Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.