A little (Over)weight

I’d always been a chubby kid. I don’t reckon a skinny version of myself. (except for maybe a short span in my twenties, when I stayed in a dorm. Food was plenty but inedible). I don’t recollect ever being tensed about gaining a few pounds here or there. I was rather carefree, adjusting my wardrobe instead. ๐Ÿ˜› That went perfectly fine as long as I stayed in India. ( they ain’t all perfectly carved out models there!). Moving to Netherlands however, changed my perspective. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fitness freaks! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Surprise.. Surprise!

It all started with those evening walks outside my home. That’s when the first signs of frustration started brewing in. I walked like a sightseeing tourist, while men & women surpassed me, running ahead in shorts & sneakers.Then there were those on cycles, wearing suits and ties, commuting miles to and fro for work. To top this up, people played heavy duty sports after a long day at work, flaunting their โ€œcelebrityโ€ like bodies, while I sat there, questioning my life time choices. ๐Ÿ™„

I was an oddity. (The chubby one) and I didnโ€™t even know how much of it was an โ€œextra meโ€. So, I decided to tread on the path of self discovery. Mustering little courage I had, I jumped onto the weighting machine.

Not all surprises are good. This was deeply disturbing. I had gained quite a few pounds here and there, surpassing my โ€œacceptableโ€ limit. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

Time for new resolutions

The problem solver in me was awake that night. I couldn’t dwell into getting depressed for long. So, I came up with a personal goal list and stuck it on the wall across my hall.
It was concise and clear. (just like my conscience ๐Ÿ˜Ž ).

I saw it every morning before leaving the house. I saw it every evening before going to the bed. That constant reinforcement made me believe I was on top of solving this issue for once and for all. It was under “my” control.

The First timers complex

Soon, I decided to join a gym. I’ve been to a gym before but my definition of workout did not go beyond a few cardio exercises. So when the trainer asked me to try those gazillion other equipment, I was stumped. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ I had no clue of how any of it worked.

I fiddled with the weights clumsily, while the trainer felt nervous about me breaking the instruments. ๐Ÿ˜† He stayed calm (on the outside) and patiently demoed the basics to me. I felt embarrassed around all those professionals.

It took me a week to tame my anxious self.

Thank God itโ€™s Sunday

Soon, the weekend arrived. I wasn’t particularly pleased with my tough regime of diet and exercise. It sucked my energy. (& my soul). So, I planned a dinner with my spouse to a fancy restaurant, thinking it might as well help me relax.

My spouse ordered beer and some more beer while I tried to fit in my new role as a โ€œfitness freakโ€.
My salad arrived with some sparkling water and I chewed like a cow, realizing this evening couldn’t have been duller indeed. ๐Ÿ™„

Darkness is the evil

We came back home with a full stomach but I had trouble falling asleep. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I couldn’t help but think about the delicious cuisines, I might have eaten instead. My craving grew as the hours passed and all my will power finally gave in.

For the sake of sleep and the work next day, I decided to eat a “little” something.

I strolled through the kitchen and took a good long look at all our collectibles. I handpicked a few of my favourites, just to start with.

Definitely not in “my” control

My guilt turned off as I switched on TV. And as I ate, I felt more hungry.
Turns out, that night, I ate for the whole week.

The Aftermath

I woke up next morning feeling ashamed.
I saw my goal list and felt so guilty.

Clearly something had to change, either me or the goal list.

And thatโ€™s when I did this little something. ๐Ÿ˜Ž


ยฉ Copyright 2020. Megha Gupta. All rights reserved.